the glimpses of the moon-第22部分

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turning　to　her　with　one　of　his　sudden　movements。　　〃I　couldn't

make　head　or　tail　of　your　letter。〃



She　paused　a　moment　to　steady　her　voice。　　〃Couldn't　you？　　I

suppose　you'd　forgotten　my　bargain　with　Nick。　　He　hadn't…and

he's　asked　me　to　fulfil　it。〃



Strefford　stared。　　〃Whatthat　nonsense　about　your　setting　each

other　free　if　either　of　you　had　the　chance　to　make　a　good

match？〃



She　signed　〃Yes。〃



〃And　he's　actually　asked　you？〃



〃Well：　　practically。　　He's　gone　off　with　the　Hickses。　　Before

going　he　wrote　me　that　we'd　better　both　consider　ourselves　free。

And　Coral　sent　me　a　postcard　to　say　that　she　would　take　the　best

of　care　of　him。〃



Strefford　mused；　his　eyes　upon　his　cigarette。　　〃But　what　the

deuce　led　up　to　all　this？　　It　can't　have　happened　like　that；　out

of　a　clear　sky。〃



Susy　flushed；　hesitated；　looked　away。　　She　had　meant　to　tell

Strefford　the　whole　story；　it　had　been　one　of　her　chief　reasons

for　wishing　to　see　him　again；　and　half…unconsciously；　perhaps；

she　had　hoped；　in　his　laxer　atmosphere；　to　recover　something　of

her　shattered　self…esteem。　　But　now　she　suddenly　felt　the

impossibility　of　confessing　to　anyone　the　depths　to　which　Nick's

wife　had　stooped。　　She　fancied　that　her　companion　guessed　the

nature　of　her　hesitation。



〃Don't　tell　me　anything　you　don't　want　to；　you　know；　my　dear。〃



〃No；　I　do　want　to；　only　it's　difficult。　　You　seewe　had　so　very

little　money　。。。。〃



〃Yes？〃



〃And　Nickwho　was　thinking　of　his　book；　and　of　all　sorts　of　big

things；　fine　thingsdidn't　realise　。。。　left　it　all　to　me　。。。　to

manage　。。。。〃



She　stumbled　over　the　word；　remembering　how　Nick　had　always

winced　at　it。　　But　Strefford　did　not　seem　to　notice　her；　and　she

hurried　on；　unfolding　in　short　awkward　sentences　the　avowal　of

their　pecuniary　difficulties；　and　of　Nick's　inability　to

understand　that；　to　keep　on　with　the　kind　of　life　they　were

leading；　one　had　to　put　up　with　things　。。。　accept　favours　。。。。



〃Borrow　money；　you　mean？〃



〃Wellyes；　and　all　the　rest。〃　　Nodecidedly　she　could　not

reveal　to　Strefford　the　episode　of　Ellie's　letters。　　〃Nick

suddenly　felt；　I　suppose；　that　he　couldn't　stand　it；〃　she

continued；　〃and　instead　of　asking　me　to　tryto　try　to　live

differently；　go　off　somewhere　with　him　and　live；　like　work…

people；　in　two　rooms；　without　a　servant；　as　I　was　ready　to　do；

well；　instead　he　wrote　me　that　it　had　all　been　a　mistake　from


the　beginning；　that　we　couldn't　keep　it　up；　and　had　better

recognize　the　fact；　and　he　went　off　on　the　Hickses'　yacht。　　The

last　evening　that　you　were　in　Venicethe　day　he　didn't　come

back　to　dinnerhe　had　gone　off　to　Genoa　to　meet　them。　　I

suppose　he　intends　to　marry　Coral。〃



Strefford　received　this　in　silence。　　〃Wellit　was　your　bargain；

wasn't　it？〃　he　said　at　length。



〃Yes；　but〃



〃Exactly：　　I　always　told　you　so。　　You　weren't　ready　to　have　him

go　yetthat's　all。〃



She　flushed　to　the　forehead。　　〃Oh；　Streffis　it　really　all？〃



〃A　question　of　time？　　If　you　doubt　it；　I'd　like　to　see　you　try；

for　a　while；　in　those　two　rooms　without　a　servant；　and　then　let

me　hear　from　you。　　Why；　my　dear；　it's　only　a　question　of　time　in

a　palace；　with　a　steam　yacht　lying　off　the　door…step；　and　a

flock　of　motors　in　the　garage；　look　around　you　and　see。　　And　did

you　ever　imagine　that　you　and　Nick；　of　all　people；　were　going　to

escape　the　common　doom；　and　survive　like　Mr。　and　Mrs。　Tithonus；

while　all　about　you　the　eternal　passions　were　crumbling　to

pieces；　and　your　native　Divorce…states　piling　up　their

revenues？〃



She　sat　with　bent　head；　the　weight　of　the　long　years　to　come

pressing　like　a　leaden　load　on　her　shoulders。



〃But　I'm　so　young　。。。　life's　so　long。　　What　does　last；　then？〃



〃Ah；　you're　too　young　to　believe　me；　if　I　were　to　tell　you；

though　you're　intelligent　enough　to　understand。〃



〃What　does；　then？〃



〃Why；　the　hold　of　the　things　we　all　think　we　could　do　without。

Habitsthey　outstand　the　Pyramids。　Comforts；　luxuries；　the

atmosphere　of　ease　。。。　above　all；　the　power　to　get　away　from

dulness　and　monotony；　from　constraints　and　uglinesses。　　You

chose　that　power；　instinctively；　before　you　were　even　grown　up；

and　so　did　Nick。　　And　the　only　difference　between　you　is　that

he's　had　the　sense　to　see　sooner　than　you　that　those　are　the

things　that　last；　the　prime　necessities。〃



〃I　don't　believe　it！〃



〃Of　course　you　don't：　　at　your　age　one　doesn't　reason　one's

materialism。　　And　besides　you're　mortally　hurt　that　Nick　has

found　out　sooner　than　you；　and　hasn't　disguised　his　discovery

under　any　hypocritical　phrases。〃



〃But　surely　there　are　people〃



〃Yessaints　and　geniuses　and　heroes：　　all　the　fanatics！　　To

which　of　their　categories　do　you　suppose　we　soft　people　belong？

And　the　heroes　and　the　geniuseshaven't　they　their　enormous

frailties　and　their　giant　appetites？　　And　how　should　we　escape

being　the　victims　of　our　little　ones？〃



She　sat　for　a　while　without　speaking。　　〃But；　Streff；　how　can　you

say　such　things；　when　I　know　you　care：　　care　for　me；　for

instance！〃



〃Care？〃　　He　put　his　hand　on　hers。　　〃But；　my　dear；　it's　just　the

fugitiveness　of　mortal　caring　that　makes　it　so　exquisite！　　It's

because　we　know　we　can't　hold　fast　to　it；　or　to　each　other；　or

to　anything　。。。。〃



〃Yes　。。。　yes　。。。　but　hush；　please！　　Oh；　don't　say　it！〃　　She

stood　up；　the　tears　in　her　throat；　and　he　rose　also。



〃Come　along；　then；　where　do　we　lunch？〃　he　said　with　a　smile；

slipping　his　hand　through　her　arm。



〃Oh；　I　don't　know。　　Nowhere。　　I　think　I'm　going　back　to

Versailles。〃



〃Because　I've　disgusted　you　so　deeply？　　Just　my　luckwhen　I

came　over　to　ask　you　to　marry　me！〃



She　laughed；　but　he　had　become　suddenly　grave。　　〃Upon　my　soul；　I

did。〃



〃Dear　Streff！　　As　ifnow〃



〃Oh；　not　nowI　know。　　I'm　aware　that　even　with　your　accelerated

divorce　methods〃



〃It's　not　that。　　I　told　you　it　was　no　use；　StreffI　told　you

long　ago；　in　Venice。〃



He　shrugged　ironically。　　〃It's　not　Streff　who's　asking　you　now。

Streff　was　not　a　marrying　man：　　he　was　only　trifling　with　you。

The　present　offer　comes　from　an　elderly　peer　of　independent

means。　Think　it　over；　my　dear：　as　many　days　out　as　you　like；　and

five　footmen　kept。　　There's　not　the　least　hurry；　of　course；　but

I　rather　think　Nick　himself　would　advise　it。〃



She　flushed　to　the　temples；　remembering　that　Nick　had；　and　the

remembrance　made　Strefford's　sneering　philosophy　seem　less

unbearable。　　Why　should　she　not　lunch　with　him；　after　all？　　In

the　first　days　of　his　mourning　he　had　come　to　Paris　expressly　to

see　her；　and　to　offer　her　one　of　the　oldest　names　and　one　of　the

greatest　fortunes　in　England。　　She　thought　of　Ursula　Gillow；

Ellie　Vanderlyn；　Violet　Melrose；　of　their　condescending

kindnesses；　their　last　year's　dresses；　their　Christmas　cheques；

and　all　the　careless　bounties　that　were　so　easy　to　bestow　and　so

hard　to　accept。　　〃I　should　rather　enjoy　paying　them　back；〃

something　in　her　maliciously　murmured。



She　did　not　mean　to　marry　Streffordshe　had　not　even　got　as　far

as　contemplating　the　possibility　of　a　divorce　but　it　was

undeniable　that　this　sudden　prospect　of　wealth　and　freedom　was

like　fresh　air　in　her　lungs。　　She　laughed　again；　but　now　without

bitterness。



〃Very　good；　then；　we'll　lunch　together。　　But　it's　Streff　I　want

to　lunch　with　to…day。〃



〃Ah；　well；〃　her　companion　agreed；　〃I　rather　think　that　for　a

tete…a…tete　he's　better　company。〃



During　their　repast　in　a　little　restaurant　over　the　Seine；　where

she　insisted　on　the　cheapest　dishes　because　she　was　lunching

with　〃Streff；〃　he　became　again　his　old　whimsical　companionable

self。　　Once　or　twice　she　tried　to　turn　the　talk　to　his　altered

future；　and　the　obligations　and　interests　that　lay　before　him；

but　he　shrugged　away　from　the　subject；　questioning　her　instead

about　the　motley　company　at　Violet　Melrose's；　and　fitting　a

droll　or　malicious　anecdote　to　each　of　the　people　she　named。



It　was　not　till　they　had　finished　their　coffee；　and　she　was

glancing　at　her　watch　with　a　vague　notion　of　taking　the　next

train；　that　he　asked　abruptly：　　〃But　what　are　you　going　to　do？

You　can't　stay　forever　at　Violet's。〃



〃Oh；　no！〃　she　cried　with　a　shiver。



〃Well；　thenyou've　got　some　plan；　I　suppose？〃



〃Have　I？〃　she　wondered；　jerked　back　into　grim　reality　from　the

soothing　interlude　of　their　hour　together。



〃You　can't　drift　indefinitely；　can　you？　　Unless　you　mean　to　go

back　to　the　old　sort　of　life　once　for　all。〃



She　reddened　and　her　eyes　filled。　　〃I　can't　do　that；　StreffI

know　I　can't！〃



〃Then　what？〃



She　hesitated；　and　brought　out　with　lowered　head：　　〃Nick　said　he

would　write　againin　a　few　days。　　I　must　wait〃



〃Oh；　naturally。　　Don't　do　anything　in　a　hurry。〃　　Strefford　also

glanced　at　his　watch。　　〃Garcon；　l'addition！　　I'm　taking　the

train　back　to…night；　and　I've　a　lot　of　things　left　to　do。　　But

look　here；　my　dearwhen　you　come　to　a　decision　one　way　or　the

other　let　me　know；　will　you？　　Oh；　I　don't　mean　in　the　matter

I've　most　at　heart；　we'll　consider　that　closed　for　the　present。

But　at　least　I　can　be　of　use　in　other　wayshang　it；　you　know；　I

can　even　lend　you　money。　　There's　a　new　sensation　for　our　jaded

palates！〃



〃Oh；　Streff　。。。　Streff！〃　she　could　only　falter；　and　he　pressed

on　gaily：　　〃Try　it；　now　do　try　itI　assure　you　there'll　be　no

interest　to　pay；　and　no　conditions　attached。　　And　promise　to　let

me　know　when　you've　decided　anything。　〃



She　looked　into　his　humorously　puckered　eyes；　answering。　Their

friendly　smile　with　hers。



〃I　promise！〃　she　said。







XV



THAT　hour　with　Strefford　had　altered　her　whole　perspective。

Instead　of　possible　dependence；　an　enforced　return　to　the　old

life　of　connivances　and　concessions；　she　saw　before　her

whenever　she　chose　to　take　themfreedom；　power　and　dignity。

Dignity！　　It　was　odd　what　weight　that　word　had　come