the glimpses of the moon-第24部分

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calculating　and　wondering　how　I　can　make　things　come　out　at　the

end　of　the　month。　　Oh；　Susy；　that's　simply　heaven！〃



Susy's　heart　contracted。　　She　had　come　to　her　friend　to　be

taught　again　the　lesson　of　indifference　to　material　things；　and

instead　she　was　hearing　from　Grace　Fulmer's　lips　the　long…

repressed　avowal　of　their　tyranny。　　After　all；　that　battle　with

poverty　on　the　New　Hampshire　hillside　had　not　been　the　easy

smiling　business　that　Grace　and　Nat　had　made　it　appear。　　And　yet

。。。　and　yet　。。。。



Susy　stood　up　abruptly；　and　straightened　the　expensive　hat　which

hung　irresponsibly　over　Grace's　left　ear。



〃What's　wrong　with　it？　　Junie　helped　me　choose　it；　and　she

generally　knows；〃　Mrs。　Fulmer　wailed　with　helpless　hands。



〃It's　the　way　you　wear　it；　dearestand　the　bow　is　rather　top…

heavy。　　Let　me　have　it　a　minute；　please。〃　Susy　lifted　the　hat

from　her　friend's　head　and　began　to　manipulate　its　trimming。

〃This　is　the　way　Maria　Guy　or　Suzanne　would　do　it　。。。。　　And　now

go　on　about　Nat　。。。。〃



She　listened　musingly　while　Grace　poured　forth　the　tale　of　her

husband's　triumph；　of　the　notices　in　the　papers；　the　demand　for

his　work；　the　fine　ladies'　battles　over　their　priority　in

discovering　him；　and　the　multiplied　orders　that　had　resulted

from　their　rivalry。



〃Of　course　they're　simply　furious　with　each　other…Mrs。　Melrose

and　Mrs。　Gillow　especiallybecause　each　one　pretends　to　have

been　the　first　to　notice　his　'Spring　Snow…Storm；'　and　in　reality

it　wasn't　either　of　them；　but　only　poor　Bill　Haslett；　an　art…

critic　we've　known　for　years；　who　chanced　on　the　picture；　and

rushed　off　to　tell　a　dealer　who　was　looking　for　a　new　painter　to

push。〃　　Grace　suddenly　raised　her　soft　myopic　eyes　to　Susy's

face。　　〃But；　do　you　know；　the　funny　thing　is　that　I　believe　Nat

is　beginning　to　forget　this；　and　to　believe　that　it　was　Mrs。

Melrose　who　stopped　short　in　front　of　his　picture　on　the　opening

day；　and　screamed　out：　　'This　is　genius！'　　It　seems　funny　he

should　care　so　much；　when　I've　always　known　he　had　genius…and

he　has　known　it　too。　　But　they're　all　so　kind　to　him；　and　Mrs。

Melrose　especially。　　And　I　suppose　it　makes　a　thing　sound　new　to

hear　it　said　in　a　new　voice。〃



Susy　looked　at　her　meditatively。　　〃And　how　should　you　feel　if

Nat　liked　too　much　to　hear　Mrs。　Melrose　say　it？　　Too　much；　I

mean；　to　care　any　longer　what　you　felt　or　thought？〃



Her　friend's　worn　face　flushed　quickly；　and　then　paled：　　Susy

almost　repented　the　question。　　But　Mrs。　Fulmer　met　it　with　a

tranquil　dignity。　　〃You　haven't　been　married　long　enough；　dear；

to　understand　。。。　how　people　like　Nat　and　me　feel　about　such

things　。。。　or　how　trifling　they　seem；　in　the　balance　。。。　the

balance　of　one's　memories。〃



Susy　stood　up　again；　and　flung　her　arms　about　her　friend。　　〃Oh；

Grace；〃　she　laughed　with　wet　eyes；　〃how　can　you　be　as　wise　as

that；　and　yet　not　have　sense　enough　to　buy　a　decent　hat？〃　　She

gave　Mrs。　Fulmer　a　quick　embrace　and　hurried　away。　　She　had

learned　her　lesson　after　all；　but　it　was　not　exactly　the　one　she

had　come　to　seek。



The　week　she　had　allowed　herself　had　passed；　and　still　there　was

no　word　from　Nick。　　She　allowed　herself　yet　another　day；　and

that　too　went　by　without　a　letter。　　She　then　decided　on　a　step

from　which　her　pride　had　hitherto　recoiled；　she　would　call　at

the　bank　and　ask　for　Nick's　address。　　She　called；　embarrassed

and　hesitating；　and　was　told；　after　enquiries　in　the　post…office

department；　that　Mr。　Nicholas　Lansing　had　given　no　address　since

that　of　the　Palazzo　Vanderlyn；　three　months　previously。　　She

went　back　to　Versailles　that　afternoon　with　the　definite

intention　of　writing　to　Strefford　unless　the　next　morning's　post

brought　a　letter。



The　next　morning　brought　nothing　from　Nick；　but　a　scribbled

message　from　Mrs。　Melrose：　　would　Susy；　as　soon　as　possible；

come　into　her　room　for　a　word；　Susy　jumped　up；　hurried　through

her　bath；　and　knocked　at　her　hostess's　door。　　In　the　immense　low

bed　that　faced　the　rich　umbrage　of　the　park　Mrs。　Melrose　lay

smoking　cigarettes　and　glancing　over　her　letters。　　She　looked　up

with　her　vague　smile；　and　said　dreamily：　　〃Susy　darling；　have

you　any　particular　plansfor　the　next　few　months；　I　mean？〃



Susy　coloured：　she　knew　the　intonation　of　old；　and　fancied　she

understood　what　it　implied。



〃Plans；　dearest？　　Any　number　。。。　I'm　tearing　myself　away　the　day

after　to…morrow　。。。　to　the　Gillows'　moor；　very　probably；〃　she

hastened　to　announce。



Instead　of　the　relief　she　had　expected　to　read　on　Mrs。　Melrose's

dramatic　countenance　she　discovered　there　the　blankest

disappointment。



〃Oh；　really？　　That's　too　bad。　　Is　it　absolutely　settled？〃



〃As　far　as　I'm　concerned；〃　said　Susy　crisply。



The　other　sighed。　　〃I'm　too　sorry。　　You　see；　dear；　I'd　meant　to

ask　you　to　stay　on　here　quietly　and　look　after　the　Fulmer

children。　　Fulmer　and　I　are　going　to　Spain　next　weekI　want　to

be　with　him　when　he　makes　his　studies；　receives　his　first

impressions；　such　a　marvellous　experience；　to　be　there　when　he

and　Velasquez　meet！〃　　She　broke　off；　lost　in　prospective

ecstasy。　　〃And；　you　see；　as　Grace　Fulmer　insists　on　coming　with

us〃



〃Ah；　I　see。〃



〃Well；　there　are　the　five　childrensuch　a　problem；〃　sighed　the

benefactress。　　〃If　you　were　at　a　loose　end；　you　know；　dear；

while　Nick's　away　with　his　friends；　I　could　really　make　it　worth

your　while　。。。。〃



〃So　awfully　good　of　you；　Violet；　only　I'm　not；　as　it　happens。〃



Oh　the　relief　of　being　able　to　say　that；　gaily；　firmly　and　even

truthfully！　　Take　charge　of　the　Fulmer　children；　indeed！　　Susy

remembered　how　Nick　and　she　had　fled　from　them　that　autumn

afternoon　in　New　Hampshire。　　The　offer　gave　her　a　salutary

glimpse　of　the　way　in　which；　as　the　years　passed；　and　she　lost

her　freshness　and　novelty；　she　would　more　and　more　be　used　as　a

convenience；　a　stop…gap；　writer　of　notes；　runner　of　errands；

nursery　governess　or　companion。　　She　called　to　mind　several

elderly　women　of　her　acquaintance；　pensioners　of　her　own　group；

who　still　wore　its　livery；　struck　its　attitudes　and　chattered

its　jargon；　but　had　long　since　been　ruthlessly　relegated　to

these　slave…ant　offices。　　Never　in　the　world　would　she　join

their　numbers。



Mrs。　Melrose's　face　fell；　and　she　looked　at　Susy　with　the

plaintive　bewilderment　of　the　wielder　of　millions　to　whom

everything　that　cannot　be　bought　is　imperceptible。



〃But　I　can't　see　why　you　can't　change　your　plans；〃　she　murmured

with　a　soft　persistency。



〃Ah；　well；　you　know〃Susy　paused　on　a　slow　inward　smile

〃they're　not　mine　only；　as　it　happens。〃



Mrs。　Melrose's　brow　clouded。　　The　unforeseen　complication　of

Mrs。　Fulmer's　presence　on　the　journey　had　evidently　tried　her

nerves；　and　this　new　　obstacle　to　her　arrangements　shook　her

faith　in　the　divine　order　of　things。



〃Your　plans　are　not　yours　only？　　But　surely　you　won't　let　Ursula

Gillow　dictate　to　you？　。。。　　There's　my　jade　pendant；　the　one　you

said　you　liked　the　other　day　。。。。　　The　Fulmers　won't　go　with　me；

you　understand；　unless　they're　satisfied　about　the　children；　the

whole　plan　will　fall　through。　　Susy　darling；　you　were　always　too

unselfish；　I　hate　to　see　you　sacrificed　to　Ursula。〃



Susy's　smile　lingered。　　Time　was　when　she　might　have　been　glad

to　add　the　jade　pendant　to　the　collection　already　enriched　by

Ellie　Vanderlyn's　sapphires；　more　recently；　she　would　have

resented　the　offer　as　an　insult　to　her　newly…found　principles。

But　already　the　mere　fact　that　she　might　henceforth；　if　she

chose；　be　utterly　out　of　reach　of　such　bribes；　enabled　her　to

look　down　on　them　with　tolerance。　　Oh；　the　blessed　moral　freedom

that　wealth　conferred！　　She　recalled　Mrs。　Fulmer's

uncontrollable　cry：　　〃The　most　wonderful　thing　of　all　is　not

having　to　contrive　and　skimp；　and　give　up　something　every　single

minute！〃　　Yes；　it　was　only　on　such　terms　that　one　could　call

one's　soul　one's　own。　　The　sense　of　it　gave　Susy　the　grace　to

answer　amicably：　　〃If　I　could　possibly　help　you　out；　Violet；　I

shouldn't　want　a　present　to　persuade　me。　　And；　as　you　say；

there's　no　reason　why　I　should　sacrifice　myself　to　Ursulaor　to

anybody　else。　　Only；　as　it　happens〃she　paused　and　took　the

plunge〃I'm　going　to　England　because　I've　promised　to　see　a

friend。〃　　That　night　she　wrote　to　Strefford。







XVI



STRETCHED　out　under　an　awning　on　the　deck　of　the　Ibis；　Nick

Lansing　looked　up　for　a　moment　at　the　vanishing　cliffs　of　Malta

and　then　plunged　again　into　his　book。



He　had　had　nearly　three　weeks　of　drug…taking　on　the　Ibis。　　The

drugs　he　had　absorbed　were　of　two　kinds：　　visions　of　fleeing

landscapes；　looming　up　from　the　blue　sea　to　vanish　into　it

again；　and　visions　of　study　absorbed　from　the　volumes　piled　up

day　and　night　at　his　elbow。　　For　the　first　time　in　months　he　was

in　reach　of　a　real　library；　just　the　kind　of　scholarly　yet

miscellaneous　library；　that　his　restless　and　impatient　spirit

craved。　　He　was　aware　that　the　books　he　read；　like　the　fugitive

scenes　on　which　he　gazed；　were　merely　a　form　of　anesthetic：　　he

swallowed　them　with　the　careless　greed　of　the　sufferer　who　seeks

only　to　still　pain　and　deaden　memory。　　But　they　were　beginning

to　produce　in　him　a　moral　languor　that　was　not　disagreeable；

that；　indeed；　compared　with　the　fierce　pain　of　the　first　days；

was　almost　pleasurable。　　It　was　exactly　the　kind　of　drug　that　he

needed。



There　is　probably　no　point　on　which　the　average　man　has　more

definite　views　than　on　the　uselessness　of　writing　a　letter　that

is　hard　to　write。　　In　the　line　he　had　sent　to　Susy　from　Genoa

Nick　had　told　her　that　she　would　hear　from　him　again　in　a　few

days；　but　when　the　few　days　had　passed；　and　he　began　to　consider

setting　himself　to　the　task；　he　found　fifty　reasons　for

postponing　it。



Had　there　been　any　practical　questions　to　write　about　it　would

have　been　different；　he　could　not　have　borne　for　twenty…fou