the glimpses of the moon-第35部分

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sure　it　would　be　useless　。。。　and　very　painful。〃



〃You　are　the　best　judge；　of　course。　　But　in　any　case；　a　letter

from　you；　a　friendly　letter；　seems　wiser　。。。　considering　the

apparent　lack　of　evidence　。。。。〃



〃Very　well；　then；　I'll　write；〃　she　agreed；　and　hurried　away；

scarcely　hearing　his　parting　injunction　that　she　should　take　a

copy　of　her　letter。



That　night　she　wrote。　　At　the　last　moment　it　might　have　been

impossible；　if　at　the　theatre　little　Breckenridge　had　not　bobbed

into　her　box。　　He　was　just　back　from　Rome；　where　he　had　dined

with　the　Hickses　（〃a　bang…up　showthey're　really　lances…you

wouldn't　know　them！〃）；　and　had　met　there　Lansing；　whom　he

reported　as　intending　to　marry　Coral　〃as　soon　as　things　were

settled〃。　　〃You　were　dead　right；　weren't　you；　Susy；〃　he

snickered；　〃that　night　in　Venice　last　summer；　when　we　all

thought　you　were　joking　about　their　engagement？　　Pity　now　you

chucked　our　surprise　visit　to　the　Hickses；　and　sent　Streff　up　to

drag　us　back　just　as　we　were　breaking　in！　　You　remember？〃



He　flung　off　the　〃Streff〃　airily；　in　the　old　way；　but　with　a

tentative　side…glance　at　his　host；　and　Lord　Altringham；　leaning

toward　Susy；　said　coldly：　　〃Was　Breckenridge　speaking　about　me？

I　didn't　catch　what　he　said。　　Does　he　speak　indistinctlyor　am

I　getting　deaf；　I　wonder？〃



After　that　it　seemed　comparatively　easy；　when　Strefford　had

dropped　her　at　her　hotel；　to　go　upstairs　and　write。　　She　dashed

off　the　date　and　her　address；　and　then　stopped；　but　suddenly　she

remembered　Breckenridge's　snicker；　and　the　words　rushed　from

her。　　〃Nick　dear；　it　was　July　when　you　left　Venice；　and　I　have

had　no　word　from　you　since　the　note　in　which　you　said　you　had

gone　for　a　few　days；　and　that　I　should　hear　soon　again。



〃You　haven't　written　yet；　and　it　is　five　months　since　you　left

me。　　That　means；　I　suppose；　that　you　want　to　take　back　your

freedom　and　give　me　mine。　　Wouldn't　it　be　kinder；　in　that　case；

to　tell　me　so？　　It　is　worse　than　anything　to　go　on　as　we　are

now。　　I　don't　know　how　to　put　these　things　but　since　you　seem

unwilling　to　write　to　me　perhaps　you　would　prefer　to　send　your

answer　to　Mr。　Frederic　Spearman；　the　American　lawyer　here。　　His

address　is　100；　Boulevard　Haussmann。　I　hope〃



She　broke　off　on　the　last　word。　　Hope？　　What　did　she　hope；

either　for　him　or　for　herself？　　Wishes　for　his　welfare　would

sound　like　a　mockeryand　she　would　rather　her　letter　should

seem　bitter　than　unfeeling。　　Above　all；　she　wanted　to　get　it

done。　　To　have　to　re…write　even　those　few　lines　would　be

torture。　　So　she　left　〃I　hope；〃　and　simply　added：　　〃to　hear

before　long　what　you　have　decided。〃



She　read　it　over；　and　shivered。　　Not　one　word　of　the　past…not

one　allusion　to　that　mysterious　interweaving　of　their　lives

which　had　enclosed　them　one　in　the　other　like　the　flower　in　its

sheath！　　What　place　had　such　memories　in　such　a　letter？　　She　had

the　feeling　that　she　wanted　to　hide　that　other　Nick　away　in　her

own　bosom；　and　with　him　the　other　Susy；　the　Susy　he　had　once

imagined　her　to　be　。。。。　　Neither　of　them　seemed　concerned　with

the　present　business。



The　letter　done；　she　stared　at　the　sealed　envelope　till　its

presence　in　the　room　became　intolerable；　and　she　understood　that

she　must　either　tear　it　up　or　post　it　immediately。　　She　went

down　to　the　hall　of　the　sleeping　hotel；　and　bribed　the　night…

porter　to　carry　the　letter　to　the　nearest　post　office；　though　he

objected　that；　at　that　hour；　no　time　would　be　gained。　　〃I　want

it　out　of　the　house；〃　she　insisted：　and　waited　sternly　by　the

desk；　in　her　dressing…gown；　till　he　had　performed　the　errand。



As　she　re…entered　her　room；　the　disordered　writing…table　struck

her；　and　she　remembered　the　lawyer's　injunction　to　take　a　copy

of　her　letter。　　A　copy　to　be　filed　away　with　the　documents　in

〃Lansing　versus　Lansing！〃　　She　burst　out　laughing　at　the　idea。

What　were　lawyers　made　of；　she　wondered？　　Didn't　the　man　guess；

by　the　mere　look　in　her　eyes　and　the　sound　of　her　voice；　that

she　would　never；　as　long　as　she　lived；　forget　a　word　of　that

letterthat　night　after　night　she　would　lie　down；　as　she　was

lying　down　to…night；　to　stare　wide…eyed　for　hours　into　the

darkness；　while　a　voice　in　her　brain　monotonously　hammered　out：

〃Nick　dear；　it　was　July　when　you　left　me　。。。〃　and　so　on；　word

after　word；　down　to　the　last　fatal　syllable？







XXII



STREFFORD　was　leaving　for　England。



Once　assured　that　Susy　had　taken　the　first　step　toward　freeing

herself；　he　frankly　regarded　her　as　his　affianced　wife；　and

could　see　no　reason　for　further　mystery。　　She　understood　his

impatience　to　have　their　plans　settled；　it　would　protect　him

from　the　formidable　menace　of　the　marriageable；　and　cause

people；　as　he　said；　to　stop　meddling。　　Now　that　the　novelty　of

his　situation　was　wearing　off；　his　natural　indolence　reasserted

itself；　and　there　was　nothing　he　dreaded　more　than　having　to　be

on　his　guard　against　the　innumerable　plans　that　his　well…wishers

were　perpetually　making　for　him。　　Sometimes　Susy　fancied　he　was

marrying　her　because　to　do　so　was　to　follow　the　line　of　least

resistance。



〃To　marry　me　is　the　easiest　way　of　not　marrying　all　the　others；〃

she　laughed；　as　he　stood　before　her　one　day　in　a　quiet　alley　of

the　Bois　de　Boulogne；　insisting　on　the　settlement　of　various

preliminaries。　　〃I　believe　I'm　only　a　protection　to　you。〃



An　odd　gleam　passed　behind　his　eyes；　and　she　instantly　guessed

that　he　was　thinking：　　〃And　what　else　am　I　to　you？〃



She　changed　colour；　and　he　rejoined；　laughing　also：　　〃Well；

you're　that　at　any　rate；　thank　the　Lord！〃



She　pondered；　and　then　questioned：　　〃But　in　the　interval…how

are　you　going　to　defend　yourself　for　another　year？〃



〃Ah；　you've　got　to　see　to　that；　you've　got　to　take　a　little

house　in　London。　　You've　got　to　look　after　me；　you　know。〃



It　was　on　the　tip　of　her　tongue　to　flash　back：　　〃Oh；　if　that's

all　you　care！〃　　But　caring　was　exactly　the　factor　she　wanted；

as　much　as　possible；　to　keep　out　of　their　talk　and　their

thoughts。　　She　could　not　ask　him　how　much　he　cared　without

laying　herself　open　to　the　same　question；　and　that　way　terror

lay。　　As　a　matter　of　fact；　though　Strefford　was　not　an　ardent

wooerperhaps　from　tact；　perhaps　from　temperament；　perhaps

merely　from　the　long　habit　of　belittling　and　disintegrating

every　sentiment　and　every　convictionyet　she　knew　he　did　care

for　her　as　much　as　he　was　capable　of　caring　for　anyone。　　If　the

element　of　habit　entered　largely　into　the　feelingif　he　liked

her；　above　all；　because　he　was　used　to　her；　knew　her　views；　her

indulgences；　her　allowances；　knew　he　was　never　likely　to　be

bored；　and　almost　certain　to　be　amused；　by　her；　why；　such

ingredients　though　not　of　the　fieriest；　were　perhaps　those　most

likely　to　keep　his　feeling　for　her　at　a　pleasant　temperature。

She　had　had　a　taste　of　the　tropics；　and　wanted　more　equable

weather；　but　the　idea　of　having　to　fan　his　flame　gently　for　a

year　was　unspeakably　depressing　to　her。　　Yet　all　this　was

precisely　what　she　could　not　say。　　The　long　period　of　probation；

during　which；　as　she　knew；　she　would　have　to　amuse　him；　to　guard

him；　to　hold　him；　and　to　keep　off　the　other　women；　was　a

necessary　part　of　their　situation。　　She　was　sure　that；　as　little

Breckenridge　would　have　said；　she　could　〃pull　it　off〃；　but　she

did　not　want　to　think　about　it。　　What　she　would　have　preferred

would　have　been　to　go　awayno　matter　where　and　not　see

Strefford　again　till　they　were　married。　　But　she　dared　not　tell

him　that　either。



〃A　little　house　in　London？〃　　She　wondered。



〃Well；　I　suppose　you've　got　to　have　some　sort　of　a　roof　over

your　head。〃



〃I　suppose　so。〃



He　sat　down　beside　her。　　〃If　you　like　me　well　enough　to　live　at

Altringham　some　day；　won't　you；　in　the　meantime；　let　me　provide

you　with　a　smaller　and　more　convenient　establishment？〃



Still　she　hesitated。　　The　alternative；　she　knew；　would　be　to

live　on　Ursula　Gillow；　Violet　Melrose；　or　some　other　of　her　rich

friends；　any　one　of　whom　would　be　ready　to　lavish　the　largest

hospitality　on　the　prospective　Lady　Altringham。　　Such　an

arrangement；　in　the　long　run；　would　be　no　less　humiliating　to

her　pride；　no　less　destructive　to　her　independence；　than

Altringham's　little　establishment。　　But　she　temporized。　　〃I

shall　go　over　to　London　in　December；　and　stay　for　a　while　with

various　peoplethen　we　can　look　about。〃



〃All　right；　as　you　like。〃　　He　obviously　considered　her

hesitation　ridiculous；　but　was　too　full　of　satisfaction　at　her

having　started　divorce　proceedings　to　be　chilled　by　her　reply。



〃And　now；　look　here；　my　dear；　couldn't　I　give　you　some　sort　of　a

ring？〃



〃A　ring？〃　　She　flushed　at　the　suggestion。　　〃What's　the　use；

Streff；　dear？　　With　all　those　jewels　locked　away　in　London〃



〃Oh；　I　daresay　you'll　think　them　old…fashioned。　　And；　hang　it；

why　shouldn't　I　give　you　something　new；　I　ran　across　Ellie　and

Bockheimer　yesterday；　in　the　rue　de　la　Paix；　picking　out

sapphires。　　Do　you　like　sapphires；　or　emeralds？　　Or　just　a

diamond？　　I've　seen　a　thumping　one　。。。。　　I'd　like　you　to　have

it。〃



Ellie　and　Bockheimer！　　　How　she　hated　the　conjunction　of　the

names！　　Their　case　always　seemed　to　her　like　a　caricature　of　her

own；　and　she　felt　an　unreasoning　resentment　against　Ellie　for

having　selected　the　same　season　for　her　unmating　and　re…mating。



〃I　wish　you　wouldn't　speak　of　them；　Streff　。。。　as　if　they　were

like　us！　　I　can　hardly　bear　to　sit　in　the　same　room　with　Ellie

Vanderlyn。〃



〃Hullo？　　What's　wrong？　　You　mean　because　of　her　giving　up

Clarissa？〃



〃Not　that　only　。。。。　　You　don't　know　。。。。　　I　can't　tell　you　。。。。〃

She　shivered　at　the　memory；　and　rose　restlessly　from　the　bench

where　they　had　been　sitting。



Strefford　gave　his　careless　shrug。　　〃Well；　my　dear；　you　can

hardly　expect　me　to　agree；　for　after　all　it　was　to　Ellie　I　owed

the　luck　of　being　so　long　alone　wit