the glimpses of the moon-第37部分

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is　wrong；　it　needn't　prevent　my　seeing　you　home。〃　　He　glanced

toward　the　taxi　that　awaited　them　at　the　end　of　the　deserted

drive。



〃No；　please。　　You're　in　a　hurry；　take　the　taxi。　　I　want

immensely　a　long　long　walk　by　myself　。。。　through　the　streets；

with　the　lights　coming　out　。。。。〃



He　laid　his　hand　on　her　arm。　　〃I　say；　my　dear；　you're　not　ill？〃



〃No；　I'm　not　ill。　　But　you　may　say　I　am；　to…night　at　the

Embassy。〃



He　released　her　and　drew　back。　　〃Oh；　very　well；〃　he　answered

coldly；　and　she　understood　by　his　tone　that　the　knot　was　cut；

and　that　at　that　moment　he　almost　hated　her。　　She　turned　away；

hastening　down　the　deserted　alley；　flying　from　him；　and　knowing；

as　she　fled；　that　he　was　still　standing　there　motionless；

staring　after　her；　wounded；　humiliated；　uncomprehending。　　It　was

neither　her　fault　nor　his　。。。。







XXIII



AS　she　fled　on　toward　the　lights　of　the　streets　a　breath　of

freedom　seemed　to　blow　into　her　face。



Like　a　weary　load　the　accumulated　hypocrisies　of　the　last　months

had　dropped　from　her：　　she　was　herself　again；　Nick's　Susy；　and

no　one　else's。　　She　sped　on；　staring　with　bright　bewildered　eyes

at　the　stately　facades　of　the　La　Muette　quarter；　the

perspectives　of　bare　trees；　the　awakening　glitter　of　shop…

windows　holding　out　to　her　all　the　things　she　would　never　again

be　able　to　buy　。。。。



In　an　avenue　of　shops　she　paused　before　a　milliner's　window；　and

said　to　herself：　　〃Why　shouldn't　I　earn　my　living　by　trimming

hats？〃　　She　met　work…girls　streaming　out　under　a　doorway；　and

scattering　to　catch　trams　and　omnibuses；　and　she　looked　with

newly…wakened　interest　at　their　tired　independent　faces。　　〃Why

shouldn't　I　earn　my　living　as　well　as　they　do？〃　she　thought。　　A

little　farther　on　she　passed　a　Sister　of　Charity　with　softly

trotting　feet；　a　calm　anonymous　glance；　and　hands　hidden　in　her

capacious　sleeves。　　Susy　looked　at　her　and　thought：　　〃Why

shouldn't　I　be　a　Sister；　and　have　no　money　to　worry　about；　and

trot　about　under　a　white　coif　helping　poor　people？〃



All　these　strangers　on　whom　she　smiled　in　passing；　and　glanced

back　at　enviously；　were　free　from　the　necessities　that　enslaved

her；　and　would　not　have　known　what　she　meant　if　she　had　told

them　that　she　must　have　so　much　money　for　her　dresses；　so　much

for　her　cigarettes；　so　much　for　bridge　and　cabs　and　tips；　and

all　kinds　of　extras；　and　that　at　that　moment　she　ought　to　be

hurrying　back　to　a　dinner　at　the　British　Embassy；　where　her

permanent　right　to　such　luxuries　was　to　be　solemnly　recognized

and　ratified。



The　artificiality　and　unreality　of　her　life　overcame　her　as　with

stifling　fumes。　　She　stopped　at　a　street…corner；　drawing　long

panting　breaths　as　if　she　had　been　running　a　race。　　Then；　slowly

and　aimlessly；　she　began　to　saunter　along　a　street　of　small

private　houses　in　damp　gardens　that　led　to　the　Avenue　du　Bois。

She　sat　down　on　a　bench。　　Not　far　off；　the　Arc　de　Triomphe

raised　its　august　bulk；　and　beyond　it　a　river　of　lights　streamed

down　toward　Paris；　and　the　stir　of　the　city's　heart…beats

troubled　the　quiet　in　her　bosom。　　But　not　for　long。　　She　seemed

to　be　looking　at　it　all　from　the　other　side　of　the　grave；　and　as

she　got　up　and　wandered　down　the　Champs　Elysees；　half　empty　in

the　evening　lull　between　dusk　and　dinner；　she　felt　as　if　the

glittering　avenue　were　really　changed　into　the　Field　of　Shadows

from　which　it　takes　its　name；　and　as　if　she　were　a　ghost　among

ghosts。



Halfway　home；　a　weakness　of　loneliness　overcame　her；　and　she

seated　herself　under　the　trees　near　the　Rond　Point。　　Lines　of

motors　and　carriages　were　beginning　to　animate　the　converging

thoroughfares；　streaming　abreast；　crossing；　winding　in　and　out

of　each　other　in　a　tangle　of　hurried　pleasure…seeking。　　She

caught　the　light　on　jewels　and　shirt…fronts　and　hard　bored　eyes

emerging　from　dim　billows　of　fur　and　velvet。　　She　seemed　to　hear

what　the　couples　were　saying　to　each　other；　she　pictured　the

drawing…rooms；　restaurants；　dance…halls　they　were　hastening　to；

the　breathless　routine　that　was　hurrying　them　along；　as　Time；

the　old　vacuum…cleaner；　swept　them　away　with　the　dust　of　their

carriage…wheels。　　And　again　the　loneliness　vanished　in　a　sense

of　release　。。。。



At　the　corner　of　the　Place　de　la　Concorde　she　stopped；

recognizing　a　man　in　evening　dress　who　was　hailing　a　taxi。

Their　eyes　met；　and　Nelson　Vanderlyn　came　forward。　　He　was　the

last　person　she　cared　to　run　across；　and　she　shrank　back

involuntarily。　　What　did　he　know；　what　had　he　guessed；　of　her

complicity　in　his　wife's　affairs？　　No　doubt　Ellie　had　blabbed　it

all　out　by　this　time；　she　was　just　as　likely　to　confide　her

love…affairs　to　Nelson　as　to　anyone　else；　now　that　the

Bockheimer　prize　was　landed。



〃Wellwellwellso　I've　caught　you　at　it！　　Glad　to　see　you；

Susy；　my　dear。〃　　She　found　her　hand　cordially　clasped　in

Vanderlyn's；　and　his　round　pink　face　bent　on　her　with　all　its

old　urbanity。　　Did　nothing　matter；　then；　in　this　world　she　was

fleeing　from；　did　no　one　love　or　hate　or　remember？



〃No　idea　you　were　in　Parisjust　got　here　myself；〃　Vanderlyn

continued；　visibly　delighted　at　the　meeting。　　〃Look　here；　don't

suppose　you're　out　of　a　job　this　evening　by　any　chance；　and

would　come　and　cheer　up　a　lone　bachelor；　eh？　　No？　　You　are？

Well；　that's　luck　for　once！　　I　say；　where　shall　we　go？　　One　of

the　places　where　they　dance；　I　suppose？　　Yes；　I　twirl　the　light

fantastic　once　in　a　while　myself。　　Got　to　keep　up　with　the

times！　　Hold　on；　taxi！　　HereI'll　drive　you　home　first；　and

wait　while　you　jump　into　your　toggery。　　Lots　of　time。〃　　As　he

steered　her　toward　the　carriage　she　noticed　that　he　had　a　gouty

limp；　and　pulled　himself　in　after　her　with　difficulty。



〃Mayn't　I　come　as　I　am；　Nelson；　I　don't　feel　like　dancing。

Let's　go　and　dine　in　one　of　those　nice　smoky　little　restaurants

by　the　Place　de　la　Bourse。〃



He　seemed　surprised　but　relieved　at　the　suggestion；　and　they

rolled　off　together。　　In　a　corner　at　Bauge's　they　found　a　quiet

table；　screened　from　the　other　diners；　and　while　Vanderlyn

adjusted　his　eyeglasses　to　study　the　carte　Susy　stole　a　long

look　at　him。　　He　was　dressed　with　even　more　than　his　usual

formal　trimness；　and　she　detected；　in　an　ultra…flat　wrist…watch

and　discreetly　expensive　waistcoat　buttons；　an　attempt　at

smartness　altogether　new。　　His　face　had　undergone　the　same

change：　　its　familiar　look　of　worn　optimism　had　been；　as　it

were；　done　up　to　match　his　clothes；　as　though　a　sort　of　moral

cosmetic　had　made　him　pinker；　shinier　and　sprightlier　without

really　rejuvenating　him。　　A　thin　veil　of　high　spirits　had　merely

been　drawn　over　his　face；　as　the　shining　strands　of　hair　were

skilfully　brushed　over　his　baldness。



〃Here！　　Carte　des　vins；　waiter！　　What　champagne；　Susy？〃　　He

chose；　fastidiously；　the　best　the　cellar　could　produce；

grumbling　a　little　at　the　bourgeois　character　of　the　dishes。

〃Capital　food　of　its　kind；　no　doubt；　but　coarsish；　don't　you

think？　　Well；　I　don't　mind　。。。　it's　rather　a　jolly　change　from

the　Luxe　cooking。　　A　new　sensationI'm　all　for　new　sensations；

ain't　you；　my　dear？〃　　He　re…filled　their　champagne　glasses；

flung　an　arm　sideways　over　his　chair；　and　smiled　at　her　with　a

foggy　benevolence。



As　the　champagne　flowed　his　confidences　flowed　with　it。



〃Suppose　you　know　what　I'm　here　forthis　divorce　business？　　We

wanted　to　settle　it　quietly　without　a　fuss；　and　of　course　Paris

is　the　best　place　for　that　sort　of　job。　　Live　and　let　live；　no

questions　asked。　　None　of　your　dirty　newspapers。　　Great　country；

this。　　No　hypocrisy　。。。　they　understand　Life　over　here！〃



Susy　gazed　and　listened。　　She　remembered　that　people　had　thought

Nelson　would　make　a　row　when　he　found　out。　　He　had　always　been

addicted　to　truculent　anecdotes　about　unfaithful　wives；　and　the

very　formula　of　his　perpetual　ejaculation　〃Caught　you　at　it；

eh？〃seemed　to　hint　at　a　constant　preoccupation　with　such

ideas。　　But　now　it　was　evident　that；　as　the　saying　was；　he　had

〃swallowed　his　dose〃　like　all　the　others。　　No　strong　blast　of

indignation　had　momentarily　lifted　him　above　his　normal　stature：

he　remained　a　little　man　among　little　men；　and　his　eagerness　to

rebuild　his　life　with　all　the　old　smiling　optimism　reminded　Susy

of　the　patient　industry　of　an　ant　remaking　its　ruined　ant…heap。



〃Tell　you　what；　great　thing；　this　liberty！　　Everything's　changed

nowadays；　why　shouldn't　marriage　be　too？　　A　man　can　get　out　of　a

business　partnership　when　he　wants　to；　but　the　parsons　want　to

keep　us　noosed　up　to　each　other　for　life　because　we've　blundered

into　a　church　one　day　and　said　'Yes'　before　one　of　'em。　　No；

nothat's　too　easy。　　We've　got　beyond　that。　　Science；　and　all

these　new　discoveries　。。。。　　I　say　the　Ten　Commandments　were　made

for　man；　and　not　man　for　the　Commandments；　and　there　ain't　a

word　against　divorce　in　'em；　anyhow！　　That's　what　I　tell　my　poor

old　mother；　who　builds　everything　on　her　Bible。　　Find　me　the

place　where　it　says：　　'Thou　shalt　not　sue　for　divorce。'　　It

makes　her　wild；　poor　old　lady；　because　she　can't；　and　she

doesn't　know　how　they　happen　to　have　left　it　out。。。。　　I　rather

think　Moses　left　it　out　because　he　knew　more　about　human　nature

than　these　snivelling　modern　parsons　do。　　Not　that　they'll

always　bear　investigating　either；　but　I　don't　care　about　that。

Live　and　let　live；　eh；　Susy？　　Haven't　we　all　got　a　right　to　our

Affinities？　　I　hear　you're　following　our　example　yourself。

First…rate　idea：　　I　don't　mind　telling　you　I　saw　it　coming　on

last　summer　at　Venice。　　Caught　you　at　it；　so　to　speak！　　Old

Nelson　ain't　as　blind　as　people　think。　　Here；　let's　open　another

bottle　to　the　health　of　Streff　and　Mrs。　Streff！〃



She　caught　the　hand　with　which　he　was　signalling　to　the

sommelier。　　This　flushed　and　garrulous　Nelson　moved　her　more

poignantly　than　a　more　heroic　figure。　　〃No　more　champagne；

please；　Nelson。　　Besides；〃　she　suddenly　added；