the glimpses of the moon-第42部分

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paragraphs　that　had　reached　her　in　the　last　months。　　It　was

evident　that　Miss　Hicks's　projected　marriage　with　the　Prince　of

Teutoburg…Waldhain　had　been　broken　off　at　the　last　moment；　and

broken　off　because　she　intended　to　marry　Nick。　　The　announcement

of　his　arrival　in　Paris　and　the　publication　of　Mr。　and　Mrs。

Hicks's　formal　denial　of　their　daughter's　betrothal　coincided

too　closely　to　admit　of　any　other　inference。　　Susy　tried　to

grasp　the　reality　of　these　assembled　facts；　to　picture　to

herself　their　actual　tangible　results。　　She　thought　of　Coral

Hicks　bearing　the　name　of　Mrs。　Nick　Lansingher　name；　Susy's

own！and　entering　drawing…rooms　with　Nick　in　her　wake；　gaily

welcomed　by　the　very　people　who；　a　few　months　before；　had

welcomed　Susy　with　the　same　warmth。　　In　spite　of　Nick's　growing

dislike　of　society；　and　Coral's　attitude　of　intellectual

superiority；　their　wealth　would　fatally　draw　them　back　into　the

world　to　which　Nick　was　attached　by　all　his　habits　and

associations。　　And　no　doubt　it　would　amuse　him　to　re…enter　that

world　as　a　dispenser　of　hospitality；　to　play　the　part　of　host

where　he　had　so　long　been　a　guest；　just　as　Susy　had　once　fancied

it　would　amuse　her　to　re…enter　it　as　Lady　Altringham　。。。。　　But；

try　as　she　would；　now　that　the　reality　was　so　close　on　her；　she

could　not　visualize　it　or　relate　it　to　herself。　　The　mere

juxtaposition　of　the　two　namesCoral；　Nickwhich　in　old　times

she　had　so　often　laughingly　coupled；　now　produced　a　blur　in　her

brain。



She　continued　to　sit　helplessly　beside　the　hall…table；　the　tears

running　down　her　cheeks。　　The　appearance　of　the　bonne　aroused

her。　　Her　youngest　charge；　Geordie；　had　been　feverish　for　a　day

or　two；　he　was　better；　but　still　confined　to　the　nursery；　and　he

had　heard　Susy　unlock　the　house…door；　and　could　not　imagine　why

she　had　not　come　straight　up　to　him。　　He　now　began　to　manifest

his　indignation　in　a　series　of　racking　howls；　and　Susy；　shaken

out　of　her　trance；　dropped　her　cloak　and　umbrella　and　hurried

up。



〃Oh；　that　child！〃　she　groaned。



Under　the　Fulmer　roof　there　was　little　time　or　space　for　the

indulgence　of　private　sorrows。　　From　morning　till　night　there

was　always　some　immediate　practical　demand　on　one's　attention；

and　Susy　was　beginning　to　see　how；　in　contracted　households；

children　may　play　a　part　less　romantic　but　not　less　useful　than

that　assigned　to　them　in　fiction；　through　the　mere　fact　of

giving　their　parents　no　leisure　to　dwell　on　irremediable

grievances。　　Though　her　own　apprenticeship　to　family　life　had

been　so　short；　she　had　already　acquired　the　knack　of　rapid

mental　readjustment；　and　as　she　hurried　up　to　the　nursery　her

private　cares　were　dispelled　by　a　dozen　problems　of　temperature；

diet　and　medicine。



Such　readjustment　was　of　course　only　momentary；　yet　each　time　it

happened　it　seemed　to　give　her　more　firmness　and　flexibility　of

temper。　　〃What　a　child　I　was　myself　six　months　ago！〃　she

thought；　wondering　that　Nick's　influence；　and　the　tragedy　of

their　parting；　should　have　done　less　to　mature　and　steady　her

than　these　few　weeks　in　a　house　full　of　children。



Pacifying　Geordie　was　not　easy；　for　he　had　long　since　learned　to

use　his　grievances　as　a　pretext　for　keeping　the　offender　at　his

beck　with　a　continuous　supply　of　stories；　songs　and　games。

〃You'd　better　be　careful　never　to　put　yourself　in　the　wrong　with

Geordie；〃　the　astute　Junie　had　warned　Susy　at　the　outset；

〃because　he's　got　such　a　memory；　and　he　won't　make　it　up　with

you　till　you've　told　him　every　fairy…tale　he's　ever　heard

before。〃



But　on　this　occasion；　as　soon　as　he　saw　her；　Geordie's

indignation　melted。　　She　was　still　in　the　doorway；　compunctious；

abject　and　racking　her　dazed　brain　for　his　favourite　stories；

when　she　saw；　by　the　smoothing　out　of　his　mouth　and　the　sudden

serenity　of　his　eyes；　that　he　was　going　to　give　her　the

delicious　but　not　wholly　reassuring　shock　of　being　a　good　boy。



Thoughtfully　he　examined　her　face　as　she　knelt　down　beside　the

cot；　then　he　poked　out　a　finger　and　pressed　it　on　her　tearful

cheek。



〃Poor　Susy　got　a　pain　too；〃　he　said；　putting　his　arms　about　her；

and　as　she　hugged　him　close；　he　added　philosophically：　〃Tell

Geordie　a　new　story；　darling；　and　you'll　forget　all　about　it。〃







XXVI



NICK　Lansing　arrived　in　Paris　two　days　after　his　lawyer　had

announced　his　coming　to　Mr。　Spearman。



He　had　left　Rome　with　the　definite　purpose　of　freeing　himself

and　Susy；　and　though　he　was　not　pledged　to　Coral　Hicks　he　had

not　concealed　from　her　the　object　of　his　journey。　　In　vain　had

he　tried　to　rouse　in　himself　any　sense　of　interest　in　his　own

future。　　Beyond　the　need　of　reaching　a　definite　point　in　his

relation　to　Susy　his　imagination　could　not　travel。　　But　he　had

been　moved　by　Coral's　confession；　and　his　reason　told　him　that

he　and　she　would　probably　be　happy　together；　with　the　temperate

happiness　based　on　a　community　of　tastes　and　an　enlargement　of

opportunities。　　He　meant；　on　his　return　to　Rome；　to　ask　her　to

marry　him；　and　he　knew　that　she　knew　it。　　Indeed；　if　he　had　not

spoken　before　leaving　it　was　with　no　idea　of　evading　his　fate；

or　keeping　her　longer　in　suspense；　but　simply　because　of　the

strange　apathy　that　had　fallen　on　him　since　he　had　received

Susy's　letter。　　In　his　incessant　self…communings　he　dressed　up

this　apathy　as　a　discretion　which　forbade　his　engaging　Coral's

future　till　his　own　was　assured。　　But　in　truth　he　knew　that

Coral's　future　was　already　engaged；　and　his　with　it：　　in　Rome

the　fact　had　seemed　natural　and　even　inevitable。



In　Paris；　it　instantly　became　the　thinnest　of　unrealities。　　Not

because　Paris　was　not　Rome；　nor　because　it　was　Paris；　but

because　hidden　away　somewhere　in　that　vast　unheeding　labyrinth

was　the　half…forgotten　part　of　himself　that　was　Susy　。。。。　　For

weeks；　for　months　past；　his　mind　had　been　saturated　with　Susy：

she　had　never　seemed　more　insistently　near　him　than　as　their

separation　lengthened；　and　the　chance　of　reunion　became　less

probable。　　It　was　as　if　a　sickness　long　smouldering　in　him　had

broken　out　and　become　acute；　enveloping　him　in　the　Nessus…shirt

of　his　memories。　　There　were　moments　when；　to　his　memory；　their

actual　embraces　seemed　perfunctory；　accidental；　compared　with

this　deep　deliberate　imprint　of　her　soul　on　his。



Yet　now　it　had　become　suddenly　different。　　Now　that　he　was　in

the　same　place　with　her；　and　might　at　any　moment　run　across　her；

meet　her　eyes；　hear　her　voice；　avoid　her　handnow　that

penetrating　ghost　of　her　with　which　he　had　been　living　was

sucked　back　into　the　shadows；　and　he　seemed；　for　the　first　time

since　their　parting；　to　be　again　in　her　actual　presence。　　He

woke　to　the　fact　on　the　morning　of　his　arrival；　staring　down

from　his　hotel　window　on　a　street　she　would　perhaps　walk　through

that　very　day；　and　over　a　limitless　huddle　of　roofs；　one　of

which　covered　her　at　that　hour。　　The　abruptness　of　the

transition　startled　him；　he　had　not　known　that　her　mere

geographical　nearness　would　take　him　by　the　throat　in　that　way。

What　would　it　be；　then；　if　she　were　to　walk　into　the　room？



Thank　heaven　that　need　never　happen！　　He　was　sufficiently

informed　as　to　French　divorce　proceedings　to　know　that　they

would　not　necessitate　a　confrontation　with　his　wife；　and　with

ordinary　luck；　and　some　precautions；　he　might　escape　even　a

distant　glimpse　of　her。　　He　did　not　mean　to　remain　in　Paris　more

than　a　few　days；　and　during　that　time　it　would　be　easyknowing；

as　he　did；　her　tastes　and　Altringham'sto　avoid　the　places

where　she　was　likely　to　be　met。　　He　did　not　know　where　she　was

living；　but　imagined　her　to　be　staying　with　Mrs。　Melrose；　or

some　other　rich　friend；　or　else　lodged；　in　prospective

affluence；　at　the　Nouveau　Luxe；　or　in　a　pretty　flat　of　her　own。

Trust　Susyah；　the　pang　of　itto　〃manage〃！



His　first　visit　was　to　his　lawyer's；　and　as　he　walked　through

the　familiar　streets　each　approaching　face；　each　distant　figure

seemed　hers。　　The　obsession　was　intolerable。　　It　would　not　last；

of　course；　but　meanwhile　he　had　the　exposed　sense　of　a　fugitive

in　a　nightmare；　who　feels　himself　the　only　creature　visible　in　a

ghostly　and　besetting　multitude。　　The　eye　of　the　metropolis

seemed　fixed　on　him　in　an　immense　unblinking　stare。



At　the　lawyer's　he　was　told　that；　as　a　first　step　to　freedom；　he

must　secure　a　domicile　in　Paris。　　He　had　of　course　known　of　this

necessity：　　he　had　seen　too　many　friends　through　the　Divorce

Court；　in　one　country　or　another；　not　to　be　fairly　familiar　with

the　procedure。　　But　the　fact　presented　a　different　aspect　as

soon　as　he　tried　to　relate　it　to　himself　and　Susy：　　it　was　as

though　Susy's　personality　were　a　medium　through　which　events

still　took　on　a　transfiguring　colour。　　He　found　the　〃domicile〃

that　very　day：　　a　tawdrily　furnished　rez…de…chaussee；　obviously

destined　to　far　different　uses。　　And　as　he　sat　there；　after　the

concierge　had　discreetly　withdrawn　with　the　first　quarter's

payment　in　her　pocket；　and　stared　about　him　at　the　vulgar　plushy

place；　he　burst　out　laughing　at　what　it　was　about　to　figure　in

the　eyes　of　the　law：　　a　Home；　and　a　Home　desecrated　by　his　own

act！　　The　Home　in　which　he　and　Susy　had　reared　their　precarious

bliss；　and　seen　it　crumble　at　the　brutal　touch　of　his

unfaithfulness　and　his　crueltyfor　he　had　been　told　that　he

must　be　cruel　to　her　as　well　as　unfaithful！　　He　looked　at　the

walls　hung　with　sentimental　photogravures；　at　the　shiny　bronze

〃nudes；〃　the　moth…eaten　animal…skins　and　the　bedizened　bed…and

once　more　the　unreality；　the　impossibility；　of　all　that　was

happening　to　him　entered　like　a　drug　into　his　veins。



To　rouse　himself　he　stood　up；　turned　the　key　on　the　hideous

place；　and　returned　to　his　lawyer's。　　He　knew　that　in　the　hard

dry　atmosphere　of　the　office　the　act　of　giving　the　address　of

the　flat　would　restore　some　kind　of　reality　to　the　phantasmal

transaction。　　And　with　w