the glimpses of the moon-第45部分

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with　every　sin　of　pride　against　himself　and　her；　but　the

appearance　of　Strefford；　arriving　at　that　late　hour；　and　so

evidently　expected　and　welcomed；　had　driven　back　the　rising　tide

of　tenderness。



Yet；　after　all；　what　was　there　to　wonder　at？　　Nothing　was

changed　in　their　respective　situations。　　He　had　left　his　wife；

deliberately；　and　for　reasons　which　no　subsequent　experience　had

caused　him　to　modify。　　She　had　apparently　acquiesced　in　his

decision；　and　had　utilized　it；　as　she　was　justified　in　doing；　to

assure　her　own　future。



In　all　this；　what　was　there　to　wail　or　knock　the　breast　between

two　people　who　prided　themselves　on　looking　facts　in　the　face；

and　making　their　grim　best　of　them；　without　vain　repinings？　　He

had　been　right　in　thinking　their　marriage　an　act　of　madness。

Her　charms　had　overruled　his　judgment；　and　they　had　had　their

year　。。。　their　mad　year　。。。　or　at　least　all　but　two　or　three

months　of　it。　　But　his　first　intuition　had　been　right；　and　now

they　must　both　pay　for　their　madness。　　The　Fates　seldom　forget

the　bargains　made　with　them；　or　fail　to　ask　for　compound

interest。　　Why　not；　then；　now　that　the　time　had　come；　pay　up

gallantly；　and　remember　of　the　episode　only　what　had　made　it

seem　so　supremely　worth　the　cost？



He　sent　a　pneumatic　telegram　to　Mrs。　Nicholas　Lansing　to　say

that　he　would　call　on　her　that　afternoon　at　four。　　〃That　ought

to　give　us　time；〃　he　reflected　drily；　〃to　'settle　things；'　as

she　calls　it；　without　interfering　with　Strefford's　afternoon

visit。〃







XXVIII



HER　husband's　note　had　briefly　said：



〃To…day　at　four　o'clock。　N。L。〃



All　day　she　pored　over　the　words　in　an　agony　of　longing；　trying

to　read　into　them　regret；　emotion；　memories；　some　echo　of　the

tumult　in　her　own　bosom。　　But　she　had　signed　〃Susy；〃　and　he

signed　〃N。L。〃　　That　seemed　to　put　an　abyss　between　them。　　After

all；　she　was　free　and　he　was　not。　　Perhaps；　in　view　of　his

situation；　she　had　only　increased　the　distance　between　them　by

her　unconventional　request　for　a　meeting。



She　sat　in　the　little　drawing…room；　and　the　cast…bronze　clock

ticked　out　the　minutes。　　She　would　not　look　out　of　the　window：

it　might　bring　bad　luck　to　watch　for　him。　　And　it　seemed　to　her

that　a　thousand　invisible　spirits；　hidden　demons　of　good　and

evil；　pressed　about　her；　spying　out　her　thoughts；　counting　her

heart…beats；　ready　to　pounce　upon　the　least　symptom　of　over…

confidence　and　turn　it　deftly　to　derision。　　Oh；　for　an　altar　on

which　to　pour　out　propitiatory　offerings！　　But　what　sweeter

could　they　have　than　her　smothered　heart…beats；　her　choked…back

tears？



The　bell　rang；　and　she　stood　up　as　if　a　spring　had　jerked　her　to

her　feet。　　In　the　mirror　between　the　dried　grasses　her　face

looked　long　pale　inanimate。　　Ah；　if　he　should　find　her　too

changed！　　If　there　were　but　time　to　dash　upstairs　and　put　on　a

touch　of　red　。。。。



The　door　opened；　it　shut　on　him；　he　was　there。



He　said：　　〃You　wanted　to　see　me？〃



She　answered：　　〃Yes。〃　And　her　heart　seemed　to　stop　beating。



At　first　she　could　not　make　out　what　mysterious　change　had　come

over　him；　and　why　it　was　that　in　looking　at　him　she　seemed　to　be

looking　at　a　stranger；　then　she　perceived　that　his　voice　sounded

as　it　used　to　sound　when　he　was　talking　to　other　people；　and　she

said　to　herself；　with　a　sick　shiver　of　understanding；　that　she

had　become　an　〃other　person〃　to　him。



There　was　a　deathly　pause；　then　she　faltered　out；　not　knowing

what　she　said：　　〃Nickyou'll　sit　down？〃



He　said：　　〃Thanks；〃　but　did　not　seem　to　have　heard　her；　for　he

continued　to　stand　motionless；　half　the　room　between　them。　　And

slowly　the　uselessness；　the　hopelessness　of　his　being　there

overcame　her。　　A　wall　of　granite　seemed　to　have　built　itself　up

between　them。　　She　felt　as　if　it　hid　her　from　him；　as　if　with

those　remote　new　eyes　of　his　he　were　staring　into　the　wall　and

not　at　her。　　Suddenly　she　said　to　herself：　　〃He's　suffering　more

than　I　am；　because　he　pities　me；　and　is　afraid　to　tell　me　that

he　is　going　to　be　married。〃



The　thought　stung　her　pride；　and　she　lifted　her　head　and　met　his

eyes　with　a　smile。



〃Don't　you　think；〃　she　said；　〃it's　more　sensible…with

everything　so　changed　in　our　livesthat　we　should　meet　as

friends；　in　this　way？　　I　wanted　to　tell　you　that　you　needn't

feelfeel　in　the　least　unhappy　about　me。〃



A　deep　flush　rose　to　his　forehead。　　〃Oh；　I　knowI　know　that〃

he　declared　hastily；　and　added；　with　a　factitious　animation：

〃But　thank　you　for　telling　me。〃



〃There's　nothing；　is　there；〃　she　continued；　〃to　make　our　meeting

in　this　way　in　the　least　embarrassing　or　painful　to　either　of

us；　when　both　have　found　。。。。〃　　She　broke　off；　and　held　her　hand

out　to　him。　　〃I've　heard　about　you　and　Coral；〃　she　ended。



He　just　touched　her　hand　with　cold　fingers；　and　let　it　drop。

〃Thank　you；〃　he　said　for　the　third　time。



〃You　won't　sit　down？〃



He　sat　down。



〃Don't　you　think；〃　she　continued；　〃that　the　new　way　of　。。。　of

meeting　as　friends　。。。　and　talking　things　over　without　ill…

will　。。。　is　much　pleasanter　and　more　sensible；　after　all？〃



He　smiled。　　〃It's　immensely　kind　of　you　to　feel　that。〃



〃Oh；　I　do　feel　it！〃　　She　stopped　short；　and　wondered　what　on

earth　she　had　meant　to　say　next；　and　why　she　had　so　abruptly

lost　the　thread　of　her　discourse。



In　the　pause　she　heard　him　cough　slightly　and　clear　his　throat。

〃Let　me　say；　then；〃　he　began；　〃that　I'm　glad　tooimmensely　glad

that　your　own　future　is　so　satisfactorily　settled。〃



She　lifted　her　glance　again　to　his　walled　face；　in　which　not　a

muscle　stirred。



〃Yes：　　itit　makes　everything　easier　for　you；　doesn't　it？〃



〃For　you　too；　I　hope。〃　　He　paused；　and　then　went　on：　　〃I　want

also　to　tell　you　that　I　perfectly　understand〃



〃Oh；〃　she　interrupted；　〃so　do　I；　your　point　of　view；　I　mean。〃



They　were　again　silent。



〃Nick；　why　can't　we　be　friends　real　friends？　　Won't　it　be

easier？〃　　she　broke　out　at　last　with　twitching　lips。



〃Easier？〃



〃I　mean；　about　talking　things　overarrangements。　　There　are

arrangements　to　be　made；　I　suppose？〃



〃I　suppose　so。〃　　He　hesitated。　　〃I'm　doing　what　I'm　told…simply

following　out　instructions。　　The　business　is　easy　enough；

apparently。　　I'm　taking　the　necessary　steps〃



She　reddened　a　little；　and　drew　a　gasping　breath。　　〃The

necessary　steps：　　what　are　they？　　Everything　the　lawyers　tell

one　is　so　confusing　。。。。　　I　don't　yet　understandhow　it's

done。〃



〃My　share；　you　mean？　　Oh；　it's　very　simple。〃　　He　paused；　and

added　in　a　tone　of　laboured　ease：　　〃I'm　going　down　to

Fontainebleau　to…morrow〃



She　stared；　not　understanding。　　〃To　Fontainebleau？〃



Her　bewilderment　drew　from　him　his　first　frank　smile。　　〃Well

I　chose　FontainebleauI　don't　know　why　。。。　except　that　we've

never　been　there　together。〃



At　that　she　suddenly　understood；　and　the　blood　rushed　to　her

forehead。　　She　stood　up　without　knowing　what　she　was　doing；　her

heart　in　her　throat。　　〃How　grotesquehow　utterly　disgusting！〃



He　gave　a　slight　shrug。　　〃I　didn't　make　the　laws　。。。。〃



〃But　isn't　it　too　stupid　and　degrading　that　such　things　should

be　necessary　when　two　people　want　to　part？〃　　She　broke　off

again；　silenced　by　the　echo　of　that　fatal　〃want　to　part。〃　。。。



He　seemed　to　prefer　not　to　dwell　farther　on　the　legal

obligations　involved。



〃You　haven't　yet　told　me；〃　he　suggested；　〃how　you　happen　to　be

living　here。〃



〃Herewith　the　Fulmer　children？〃　　She　roused　herself；　trying　to

catch　his　easier　note。　　〃Oh；　I've　simply　been　governessing　them

for　a　few　weeks；　while　Nat　and　Grace　are　in　Sicily。〃　　She　did

not　say：　　〃It's　because　I've　parted　with　Strefford。〃　　Somehow　it

helped　her　wounded　pride　a　little　to　keep　from　him　the　secret　of

her　precarious　independence。



He　looked　his　wonder。　　〃All　alone　with　that　bewildered　bonne？

But　how　many　of　them　are　there？　　Five？　　Good　Lord！〃　　He

contemplated　the　clock　with　unseeing　eyes；　and　then　turned　them

again　on　her　face。



〃I　should　have　thought　a　lot　of　children　would　rather　get　on

your　nerves。〃



〃Oh；　not　these　children。　They're　so　good　to　me。〃



〃Ah；　well；　I　suppose　it　won't　be　for　long。〃



He　sent　his　eyes　again　about　the　room；　which　his　absent…minded

gaze　seemed　to　reduce　to　its　dismal　constituent　elements；　and

added；　with　an　obvious　effort　at　small　talk：　　〃I　hear　the

Fulmers　are　not　hitting　it　off　very　well　since　his　success。　　Is

it　true　that　he's　going　to　marry　Violet　Melrose？〃



The　blood　rose　to　Susy's　face。　　〃Oh；　never；　never！　　He　and　Grace

are　travelling　together　now。〃



〃Oh；　I　didn't　know。　　People　say　things　。。。。〃　　He　was　visibly

embarrassed　with　the　subject；　and　sorry　that　he　had　broached　it。



〃Some　of　the　things　that　people　say　are　true。　　But　Grace　doesn't

mind。　　She　says　she　and　Nat　belong　to　each　other。　　They　can't

help　it；　she　thinks；　after　having　been　through　such　a　lot

together。〃



〃Dear　old　Grace！〃



He　had　risen　from　his　chair；　and　this　time　she　made　no　effort　to

detain　him。　　He　seemed　to　have　recovered　his　self…composure；　and

it　struck　her　painfully；　humiliatingly　almost；　that　he　should

have　spoken　in　that　light　way　of　the　expedition　to　Fontainebleau

on　the　morrow　。。。。　　Well；　men　were　different；　she　supposed；　she

remembered　having　felt　that　once　before　about　Nick。



It　was　on　the　tip　of　her　tongue　to　cry　out：　　〃But　waitwait！

I'm　not　going　to　marry　Strefford　after　all！〃but　to　do　so　would

seem　like　an　appeal　to　his　compassion；　to　his　indulgence；　and

that　was　not　what　she　wanted。　　She　could　never　forget　that　he

had　left　her　because　he　had　not　been　able　to　forgive　her　for

〃managing〃and　not　for　the　world　would　she　have　him　think　that

this　meeting　had　been　planned　for　such　a　purpose。



〃If　he　doesn't　see　that　I　am　different；　in　spite　of

appearances　。。。　and　that　I　never　was　what　he　said　I　was　that

dayif　in　all　these　months　it　h