the glimpses of the moon-第47部分

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Clarissa　had　nothing　to　teach　Susy　but　the　horror　of　her　own

hard　little　appetites；　whereas　the　company　of　the　noisy

argumentative　Fulmers　had　been　a　school　of　wisdom　and

abnegation。



As　she　applied　the　brush　to　Geordie's　shining　head　and　the

handkerchief　to　his　snuffling　nose；　the　sense　of　what　she　owed

him　was　so　borne　in　on　Susy　that　she　interrupted　the　process　to

catch　him　to　her　bosom。



〃I'll　have　such　a　story　to　tell　you　when　I　get　back　to…night；　if

you'll　promise　me　to　be　good　all　day；〃　she　bargained　with　him；

and　Geordie；　always　astute；　bargained　back：　　〃Before　I　promise；

I'd　like　to　know　what　story。〃



At　length　all　was　in　order。　　Junie　had　been　enlightened；　and

Angele　stunned；　by　the　minuteness　of　Susy's　instructions；　and

the　latter；　waterproofed　and　stoutly　shod；　descended　the

doorstep；　and　paused　to　wave　at　the　pyramid　of　heads　yearning　to

her　from　an　upper　window。



It　was　hardly　light；　and　still　raining；　when　she　turned　into　the

dismal　street。　　As　usual；　it　was　empty；　but　at　the　corner　she

perceived　a　hesitating　taxi；　with　luggage　piled　beside　the

driver。　　Perhaps　it　was　some　early　traveller；　just　arriving；　who

would　release　the　carriage　in　time　for　her　to　catch　it；　and　thus

avoid　the　walk　to　the　metro；　and　the　subsequent　strap…hanging；

for　it　was　the　work…people's　hour。　　Susy　raced　toward　the

vehicle；　which；　overcoming　its　hesitation；　was　beginning　to　move

in　her　direction。　　Observing　this；　she　stopped　to　see　where　it

would　discharge　its　load。　　Thereupon　the　taxi　stopped　also；　and

the　load　discharged　itself　in　front　of　her　in　the　shape　of　Nick

Lansing。



The　two　stood　staring　at　each　other　through　the　rain　till　Nick

broke　out：　　〃Where　are　you　going？　　I　came　to　get　you。〃



〃To　get　me？　　To　get　me？〃　she　repeated。　　Beside　the　driver　she

had　suddenly　remarked　the　old　suit…case　from　which　her　husband

had　obliged　her　to　extract　Strefford's　cigars　as　they　were

leaving　Como；　and　everything　that　had　happened　since　seemed　to

fall　away　and　vanish　in　the　pang　and　rapture　of　that　memory。



〃To　get　you；　yes。　　Of　course。〃　　He　spoke　the　words　peremptorily；

almost　as　if　they　were　an　order。　　〃Where　were　you　going？〃　he

repeated。



Without　answering；　she　turned　toward　the　house。　　He　followed

her；　and　the　laden　taxi　closed　the　procession。



〃Why　are　you　out　in　such　weather　without　an　umbrella？〃　he

continued；　in　the　same　severe　tone；　drawing　her　under　the

shelter　of　his。



〃Oh；　because　Junie's　umbrella　is　in　tatters；　and　I　had　to　leave

her　mine；　as　I　was　going　away　for　the　whole　day。〃　　She　spoke　the

words　like　a　person　in　a　trance。



〃For　the　whole　day？　　At　this　hour？　　Where？〃



They　were　on　the　doorstep；　and　she　fumbled　automatically　for　her

key；　let　herself　in；　and　led　the　way　to　the　sitting…room。　　It

had　not　been　tidied　up　since　the　night　before。　　The　children's

school　books　lay　scattered　on　the　table　and　sofa；　and　the　empty

fireplace　was　grey　with　ashes。　　She　turned　to　Nick　in　the　pallid

light。



〃I　was　going　to　see　you；〃　she　stammered；　〃I　was　going　to　follow

you　to　Fontainebleau；　if　necessary；　to　tell　you　。。。　to　prevent

you。。。。〃



He　repeated　in　the　same　aggressive　tone：　　〃Tell　me　what？

Prevent　what？〃



〃Tell　you　that　there　must　be　some　other　way　。。。　some　decent

way　。。。　of　our　separating　。。。　without　that　horror。　　　that　horror

of　your　going　off　with　a　woman　。。。。〃



He　stared；　and　then　burst　into　a　laugh。　　The　blood　rushed　to　her

face。　　She　had　caught　a　familiar　ring　in　his　laugh；　and　it

wounded　her。　　What　business　had　he；　at　such　a　time；　to　laugh　in

the　old　way？



〃I'm　sorry；　but　there　is　no　other　way；　I'm　afraid。　　No　other　way

but　one；〃　he　corrected　himself。



She　raised　her　head　sharply。　　〃Well？〃



〃That　you　should　be　the　woman。　　Oh；　my　dear！〃　　He　had　dropped

his　mocking　smile；　and　was　at　her　side；　her　hands　in　his。　　〃Oh；

my　dear；　don't　you　see　that　we've　both　been　feeling　the　same

thing；　and　at　the　same　hour？　　You　lay　awake　thinking　of　it　all

night；　didn't　you？　　So　did　I。　　Whenever　the　clock　struck；　I　said

to　myself：　　'She's　hearing　it　too。'　　And　I　was　up　before

daylight；　and　packed　my　trapsfor　I　never　want　to　set　foot

again　in　that　awful　hotel　where　I've　lived　in　hell　for　the　last

three　days。　　And　I　swore　to　myself　that　I'd　go　off　with　a　woman

by　the　first　train　I　could　catchand　so　I　mean　to；　my　dear。〃



She　stood　before　him　numb。　　Yes；　numb：　　that　was　the　worst　of

it！　　The　violence　of　the　reaction　had　been　too　great；　and　she

could　hardly　understand　what　he　was　saying。　　Instead；　she

noticed　that　the　tassel　of　the　window…blind　was　torn　off　again

（oh；　those　children！）；　and　vaguely　wondered　if　his　luggage　were

safe　on　the　waiting　taxi。　　One　heard　such　stories　。。。。



His　voice　came　back　to　her。　　〃Susy！　　Listen！〃　he　was　entreating。

〃You　must　see　yourself　that　it　can't　be。　　We're　marriedisn't

that　all　that　matters？　　Oh；　I　knowI've　behaved　like　a　brute：

a　cursed　arrogant　ass！　　You　couldn't　wish　that　ass　a　worse

kicking　than　I've　given　him！　　But　that's　not　the　point；　you　see。

The　point　is　that　we're　married　。。。。　　Married　。。。。　　Doesn't　it

mean　something　to　you；　somethinginexorable？　　It　does　to　me。　　I

didn't　dream　it　wouldin　just　that　way。　　But　all　I　can　say　is

that　I　suppose　the　people　who　don't　feel　it　aren't　really

married…and　they'd　better　separate；　much　better。　　As　for　us〃



Through　her　tears　she　gasped　out：　　〃That's　what　I　felt　。。。

that's　what　I　said　to　Streff　。。。。〃



He　was　upon　her　with　a　great　embrace。　　〃My　darling！　　My　darling！

You　have　told　him？〃



〃Yes；〃　she　panted。　　〃That's　why　I'm　living　here。〃　　She　paused。

〃And　you've　told　Coral？〃



She　felt　his　embrace　relax。　　He　drew　away　a　little；　still

holding　her；　but　with　lowered　head。





〃No　。。。　I　。。。　haven't。〃



〃Oh；　Nick！　　But　then？〃



He　caught　her　to　him　again；　resentfully。　　〃Wellthen　what？

What　do　you　mean？　　What　earthly　difference　does　it　make？〃



〃But　if　you've　told　her　you　were　going　to　marry　her〃　（Try　as

she　would；　her　voice　was　full　of　silver　chimes。）



〃Marry　her？　　Marry　her？〃　he　echoed。　　〃But　how　could　I？　　What

does　marriage　mean　anyhow？　　If　it　means　anything　at　all　it

meansyou！　　And　I　can't　ask　Coral　Hicks　just　to　come　and　live

with　me；　can　I？〃



Between　crying　and　laughing　she　lay　on　his　breast；　and　his　hand

passed　over　her　hair。



They　were　silent　for　a　while；　then　he　began　again：　　〃You　said　it

yourself　yesterday；　you　know。〃



She　strayed　back　from　sunlit　distances。　　〃Yesterday？〃



〃Yes：　　that　Grace　Fulmer　says　you　can't　separate　two　people

who've　been　through　a　lot　of　things〃



〃Ah；　been　through　them　togetherit's　not　the　things；　you　see；

it's　the　togetherness；〃　she　interrupted。



〃The　togethernessthat's　it！〃　　He　seized　on　the　word　as　if　it

had　just　been　coined　to　express　their　case；　and　his　mind　could

rest　in　it　without　farther　labour。



The　door…bell　rang；　and　they　started。　　Through　the　window　they

saw　the　taxi…driver　gesticulating　enquiries　as　to　the　fate　of

the　luggage。



〃He　wants　to　know　if　he's　to　leave　it　here；〃　Susy　laughed。



〃Nono！　　You're　to　come　with　me；〃　her　husband　declared。



〃Come　with　you？〃　　She　laughed　again　at　the　absurdity　of　the

suggestion。



〃Of　course：　　this　very　instant。　　What　did　you　suppose？　　That　I

was　going　away　without　you？　　Run　up　and　pack　your　things；〃　he

commanded。



〃My　things？　　My　things？　　But　I　can't　leave　the　children！〃



He　stared；　between　indignation　and　amusement。　　〃Can't　leave　the

children？　　Nonsense！　　Why；　you　said　yourself　you　were　going　to

follow　me　to　Fontainebleau〃



She　reddened　again；　this　time　a　little　painfully　〃I　didn't　know

what　I　was　doing　。。。。　　I　had　to　find　you　。。。　but　I　should　have

come　back　this　evening；　no　matter　what　happened。〃



〃No　matter　what？〃



She　nodded；　and　met　his　gaze　resolutely。



〃No；　but　really〃



〃Really；　I　can't　leave　the　children　till　Nat　and　Grace　come

back。　　I　promised　I　wouldn't。〃



〃Yes；　but　you　didn't　know　then　。。。。　　Why　on　earth　can't　their

nurse　look　after　them？〃



〃There　isn't　any　nurse　but　me。〃



〃Good　Lord！〃



〃But　it's　only　for　two　weeks　more；〃　she　pleaded。　　〃Two　weeks！

Do　you　know　how　long　I've　been　without　you！〃　　He　seized　her　by

both　wrists；　and　drew　them　against　his　breast。　　〃Come　with　me　at

least　for　two　daysSusy！〃　he　entreated　her。



〃Oh；〃　she　cried；　〃that's　the　very　first　time　you've　said　my

name！〃



〃Susy；　Susy；　thenmy　SusySusy！　　And　you've　only　said　mine

once；　you　know。〃



〃Nick！〃　she　sighed；　at　peace；　as　if　the　one　syllable　were　a

magic　seed　that　hung　out　great　branches　to　envelop　them。



〃Well；　then；　Susy；　be　reasonable。　　Come！〃



〃Reasonableoh；　reasonable！〃　she　sobbed　through　laughter。



〃Unreasonable；　then！　That's　even　better。〃



She　freed　herself；　and　drew　back　gently。　　〃Nick；　I　swore　I

wouldn't　leave　them；　and　I　can't。　　It's　not　only　my　promise　to

their　motherit's　what　they've　been　to　me　themselves。　　You

don't；　know　。。。　You　can't　imagine　the　things　they've　taught　me。

They're　awfully　naughty　at　times；　because　they're　so　clever；　but

when　they're　good　they're　the　wisest　people　I　know。〃　　She

paused；　and　a　sudden　inspiration　illuminated　her。　　〃But　why

shouldn't　we　take　them　with　us？〃　she　exclaimed。



Her　husband's　arms　fell　away　from　her；　and　he　stood　dumfounded。



〃Take　them　with　us？〃



〃Why　not？〃



〃All　five　of　them？〃



〃Of　courseI　couldn't　possibly　separate　them。　　And　Junie　and

Nat　will　help　us　to　look　after　the　young　ones。〃



〃Help　us！〃　he　groaned。



〃Oh；　you'll　see；　they　won't　bother　you。　　Just　leave　it　to　me；

I'll　manage〃　　The　word　stopped　her　short；　and　an　agony　of

crimson　suffused　her　from　brow　to　throat。　　Their　eyes　met；　and

without　a　word　he　stooped　and　laid　his　lips　gently　on　the　stain

of　red　on　her　neck。



〃Nick；〃　she　breathed；　her　hands　in　his。



〃But　those　children〃



Instead　of　answer