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my　sudden　departure。



〃I　now　fell　into　the　most　violent　and　almost　raving　fit　of

despair。　　I　cursed　myself；　the　king；　and　the　whole　world；　which

no　longer　seemed　to　have　any　delight　for　me。　　I　threw　myself　on

the　grave　of　my　deceased　love；　and　lay　there　without　any　kind　of

sustenance　for　two　whole　days。　　At　last　hunger；　together　with　the

persuasions　of　some　people　who　took　pity　on　me；　prevailed　with　me

to　quit　that　situation；　and　refresh　myself　with　food。　　They　then

persuaded　me　to　return　to　my　post；　and　abandon　a　place　where

almost　every　object　I　saw　recalled　ideas　to　my　mind　which；　as

they　said；　I　should　endeavor　with　my　utmost　force　to　expel　from

it。　　This　advice　at　length　succeeded；　the　rather；　as　the　father

and　mother　of　my　beloved　refused　to　see　me；　looking　on　me　as　the

innocent　but　certain　cause　of　the　death　of　their　only　child。



〃The　loss　of　one　we　tenderly　love；　as　it　is　one　of　the　most

bitter　and　biting　evils　which　attend　human　life；　so　it　wants　the

lenitive　which　palliates　and　softens　every　other　calamity；　I　mean

that　great　reliever；　hope。　　No　man　can　be　so　totally　undone；　but

that　he　may　still　cherish　expectation：　　but　this　deprives　us　of

all　such　comfort；　nor　can　anything　but　time　alone　lessen　it。　

This；　however；　in　most　minds；　is　sure　to　work　a　slow　but

effectual　remedy；　so　did　it　in　mine：　　for　within　a　twelve…month　I

was　entirely　reconciled　to　my　fortune；　and　soon　after　absolutely

forgot　the　object　of　a　passion　from　which　I　had　promised　myself

such　extreme　happiness；　and　in　the　disappointment　of　which　I　had

experienced　such　inconceivable　misery。　　



〃At　the　expiration　of　the　month　I　returned　to　my　garrison　at

Exeter；　where　I　was　no　sooner　arrived　than　I　was　ordered　to　march

into　the　north；　to　oppose　a　force　there　levied　by　the　earls　of

Chester　and　Northumberland。　　We　came　to　York；　where　his　majesty

pardoned　the　heads　of　the　rebels；　and　very　severely　punished　some

who　were　less　guilty。　　It　was　particularly　my　lot　to　be　ordered

to　seize　a　poor　man　who　had　never　been　out　of　his　house；　and

convey　him　to　prison。　　I　detested　this　barbarity；　yet　was　obliged

to　execute　it；　nay；　though　no　reward　would　have　bribed　me　in　a

private　capacity　to　have　acted　such　a　part；　yet　so　much　sanctity

is　there　in　the　commands　of　a　monarch　or　general　to　a　soldier；

that　I　performed　it　without　reluctance；　nor　had　the　tears　of　his

wife　and　family　any　prevalence　with　me。



〃But　this；　which　was　a　very　small　piece　of　mischief　in　comparison

with　many　of　my　barbarities　afterwards；　was　however；　the　only　one

which　ever　gave　me　any　uneasiness；　for　when　the　king　led　us

afterwards　into　Northumberland　to　revenge　those　people's　having

joined　with　Osborne　the　Dane　in　his　invasion；　and　orders　were

given　us　to　commit　what　ravages　we　could；　I　was　forward　in

fulfilling　them；　and；　among　some　lesser　cruelties　（I　remember　it

yet　with　sorrow）；　I　ravished　a　woman；　murdered　a　little　infant

playing　in　her　lap；　and　then　burned　her　house。　　In　short；　for　I

have　no　pleasure　in　this　part　of　my　relation；　I　had　my　share　in

all　the　cruelties　exercised　on　those　poor　wretches；　which　were　so

grievous；　that　for　sixty　miles　together；　between　York　and　Durham；

not　a　single　house；　church；　or　any　other　public　or　private

edifice；　was　left　standing。



〃We　had　pretty　well　devoured　the　country；　when　we　were　ordered　to

march　to　the　Isle　of　Ely；　to　oppose　Hereward；　a　bold　and　stout

soldier；　who　had　under　him　a　very　large　body　of　rebels；　who　had

the　impudence　to　rise　against　their　king　and　conqueror　（I　talk

now　in　the　same　style　I　did　then）　in　defense　of　their　liberties；

as　they　called　them。　　These　were　soon　subdued；　but　as　I　happened

（more　to　my　glory　than　my　comfort）　to　be　posted　in　that　part

through　which　Hereward　cut　his　way；　I　received　a　dreadful　cut　on

the　forehead；　a　second　on　the　shoulder；　and　was　run　through　the

body　with　a　pike。



〃I　languished　a　long　time　with　these　wounds；　which　made　me

incapable　of　attending　the　king　into　Scotland。　　However；　I　was

able　to　go　over　with　him　afterwards　into　Normandy；　in　his

expedition　against　Philip；　who　had　taken　the　opportunity　of　the

troubles　in　England　to　invade　that　province。　　Those　few　Normans

who　bad　survived　their　wounds；　and　had　remained　in　the　Isle　of

Ely；　were　all　of　our　nation　who　went；　the　rest　of　his　army　being

all　composed　of　English。　　In　a　skirmish　near　the　town　of　Mans　my

leg　was　broke　and　so　shattered　that　it　was　forced　to　be　cut　off。



〃I　was　now　disabled　from　serving　longer　in　the　army；　and

accordingly；　being　discharged　from　the　service；　I　retired　to　the

place　of　my　nativity；　where；　in　extreme　poverty；　and　frequent　bad

health　from　the　many　wounds　I　had　received；　I　dragged　on　a

miserable　life　to　the　age　of　sixty…　three；　my　only　pleasure　being

to　recount　the　feats　of　my　youth；　in　which　narratives　I　generally

exceeded　the　truth。　　



〃It　would　be　tedious　and　unpleasant　to　recount　to　you　the　several

miseries　I　suffered　after　my　return　to　Caen；　let　it　suffice；　they

were　so　terrible　that　they　induced　Minos　to　compassionate　me；

and；　notwithstanding　the　barbarities　I　had　been　guilty　of　in

Northumberland；　to　suffer　me　to　go　once　more　back　to　earth。〃





CHAPTER　XXII



What　happened　to　Julian　in　the　person　of　a　tailor。



〃Fortune　now　stationed　me　in　a　character　which　the　ingratitude　of

mankind　hath　put　them　on　ridiculing；　though　they　owe　to　it　not

only　a　relief　from　the　inclemencies　of　cold；　to　which　they　would

otherwise　be　exposed；　but　likewise　a　considerable　satisfaction　of

their　vanity。　　The　character　I　mean　was　that　of　a　tailor；　which；

if　we　consider　it　with　due　attention；　must　be　confessed　to　have

in　it　great　dignity　and　importance。　　For；　in　reality；　who

constitutes　the　different　degrees　between　men　but　the　tailor？　the

prince　indeed　gives　the　title；　but　it　is　the　tailor　who　makes　the

man。　　To　his　labors　are　owing　the　respect　of　crowds；　and　the　awe

which　great　men　inspire　into　their　beholders；　though　these　are

too　often　unjustly　attributed　to　other　motives。　　Lastly；　the

admiration　of　the　fair　is　most　commonly　to　be　placed　to　his

account。



〃I　was　just　set　up　in　my　trade　when　I　made　three　suits　of　fine

clothes　for　king　Stephen's　coronation。　　I　question　whether　the

person　who　wears　the　rich　coat　hath　so　much　pleasure　and　vanity

in　being　admired　in　it；　as　we　tailors　have　from　that　admiration；

and　perhaps　a　philosopher　would　say　he　is　not　so　well　entitled　to

it。　　I　bustled　on　the　day　of　the　ceremony　through　the　crowd；　and

it　was　with　incredible　delight　I　heard　several　say；　as　my　clothes

walked　by；　'Bless　me；　was　ever　anything　so　fine　as　the　earl　of

Devonshire？　　Sure　he　and　Sir　Hugh　Bigot　are　the　two　best　dressed

men　I　ever　saw。'　Now　both　those　suits　were　of　my　making。



〃There　would　indeed　be　infinite　pleasure　in　working　for　the

courtiers；　as　they　are　generally　genteel　men；　and　show　one's

clothes　to　the　best　advantage；　was　it　not　for　one　small

discouragement；　this　is；　that　they　never　pay。　　I　solemnly

protest；　though　I　lost　almost　as　much　by　the　court　in　my　life　as

I　got　by　the　city；　I　never　carried　a　suit　into　the　latter　with

half　the　satisfaction　which　I　have　done　to　the　former；　though

from　that　I　was　certain　of　ready　money；　and　from　this　almost　as

certain　of　no　money　at　all。



〃Courtiers　may；　however；　be　divided　into　two　sorts；　very

essentially　different　from　each　other；　into　those　who　never

intend　to　pay　for　their　clothes；　and　those　who　do　intend　to　pay

for　them；　but　never　happen　to　be　able。　　Of　the　latter　sort　are

many　of　those　young　gentlemen　whom　we　equip　out　for　the　army；　and

who　are；　unhappily　for　us；　cut　off　before　they　arrive　at

preferment。　　This　is　the　reason　that　tailors；　in　time　of　war；　are

mistaken　for　politicians　by　their　inquisitiveness　into　the　event

of　battles；　one　campaign　very　often　proving　the　ruin　of

half…a…dozen　of　us。　　I　am　sure　I　had　frequent　reason　to　curse

that　fatal　battle　of　Cardigan；　where　the　Welsh　defeated　some　of

king　Stephen's　best　troops；　and　where　many　a　good　suit　of　mine

unpaid　for；　fell　to　the　ground。





〃The　gentlemen　of　this　honorable　calling　have　fared　much　better

in　later　ages　than　when　I　was　of　it；　for　now　it　seems　the　fashion

is；　when　they　apprehend　their　customer　is　not　in　the　best

circumstances；　if　they　are　not　paid　as　soon　as　they　carry　home

the　suit；　they　charge　him　in　their　book　as　much　again　as　it　is

worth；　and　then　send　a　gentleman　with　a　small　scrip　of　parchment

to　demand　the　money。　　If　this　be　not　immediately　paid　the

gentleman　takes　the　beau　with　him　to　his　house；　where　he　locks

him　up　till　the　tailor　is　contented：　　but　in　my　time　these　scrips

of　parchment　were　not　in　use；　and　if　the　beau　disliked　paying　for

his　clothes；　as　very　often　happened；　we　had　no　method　of

compelling　him。



〃In　several　of　the　characters　which　I　have　related　to　you；　I

apprehend　I　have　sometimes　forgot　myself；　and　considered　myself

as　really　interested　as　I　was　when　I　personated　them　on　earth。　　I

have　just　now　caught　myself　in　the　fact；　for　I　have　complained　to

you　as　bitterly　of　my　customers　as　I　formerly　used　to　do　when　I

was　the　tailor：　　but　in　reality；　though　there　were　some　few

persons　of　very　great　quality；　and　some　others；　who　never　paid

their　debts；　yet　those　were　but　a　few；　and　I　had　a　method　of

repairing　this　loss。　　My　customers　I　divided　under　three　heads：

those　who　paid　ready　money；　those　who　paid　slow；　and　those　who

never　paid　at　all。　　The　first　of　these　I　considered　apart　by

themselves；　as　persons　by　whom　I　got　a　certain　but　small　profit。　

The　two　last　I　lumped　together；　making　those　who　paid　slow

contribute　to　repair　my　losses　by　those　who　did　not　pay　at　all。　

Thus；　upon　the　whole；　I　was　a　very　inconsiderable　loser；　and

might　have　left　a　fortune　to　my　family；　had　I　not　launched　forth

into　expenses　which　swallowed　up　all　my　gains。　　I　had　a　wife　and

two　children。　　These　indeed　I　kept　frugally　enough；