within the tides-第14部分

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to　him。　　Just　on　impulse。　　He　wasn't　impressive。　　He　was　pitiful。



My　worst　enemy　could　have　told　you　he　wasn't　good　enough　to　be　one



of　Renouard's　victims。　　It　didn't　take　me　long　to　judge　that　he　was



drugging　himself。　　Not　drinking。　　Drugs。〃







〃Ah！　　It's　now　that　you　are　trying　to　murder　him；〃　she　cried。







〃Really。　　Always　the　Renouard　of　shopkeepers'　legend。　　Listen！　　I



would　never　have　been　jealous　of　him。　　And　yet　I　am　jealous　of　the



air　you　breathe；　of　the　soil　you　tread　on；　of　the　world　that　sees



you　…　moving　free　…　not　mine。　　But　never　mind。　　I　rather　liked　him。



For　a　certain　reason　I　proposed　he　should　come　to　be　my　assistant



here。　　He　said　he　believed　this　would　save　him。　　It　did　not　save



him　from　death。　　It　came　to　him　as　it　were　from　nothing　…　just　a



fall。　　A　mere　slip　and　tumble　of　ten　feet　into　a　ravine。　　But　it



seems　he　had　been　hurt　before　up…country　…　by　a　horse。　　He　ailed



and　ailed。　　No；　he　was　not　a　steel…tipped　man。　　And　his　poor　soul



seemed　to　have　been　damaged　too。　　It　gave　way　very　soon。〃







〃This　is　tragic！〃　Felicia　Moorsom　whispered　with　feeling。



Renouard's　lips　twitched；　but　his　level　voice　continued



mercilessly。







〃That's　the　story。　　He　rallied　a　little　one　night　and　said　he



wanted　to　tell　me　something。　　I；　being　a　gentleman；　he　said；　he



could　confide　in　me。　　I　told　him　that　he　was　mistaken。　　That　there



was　a　good　deal　of　a　plebeian　in　me；　that　he　couldn't　know。　　He



seemed　disappointed。　　He　muttered　something　about　his　innocence　and



something　that　sounded　like　a　curse　on　some　woman；　then　turned　to



the　wall　and　…　just　grew　cold。〃







〃On　a　woman；〃　cried　Miss　Moorsom　indignantly。　　〃What　woman？〃







〃I　wonder！〃　said　Renouard；　raising　his　eyes　and　noting　the　crimson



of　her　ear…lobes　against　the　live　whiteness　of　her　complexion；　the



sombre；　as　if　secret；　night…splendour　of　her　eyes　under　the



writhing　flames　of　her　hair。　　〃Some　woman　who　wouldn't　believe　in



that　poor　innocence　of　his。　。　。　Yes。　　You　probably。　　And　now　you



will　not　believe　in　me　…　not　even　in　me　who　must　in　truth　be　what　I



am　…　even　to　death。　　No！　　You　won't。　　And　yet；　Felicia；　a　woman



like　you　and　a　man　like　me　do　not　often　come　together　on　this



earth。〃







The　flame　of　her　glorious　head　scorched　his　face。　　He　flung　his　hat



far　away；　and　his　suddenly　lowered　eyelids　brought　out　startlingly



his　resemblance　to　antique　bronze；　the　profile　of　Pallas；　still；



austere；　bowed　a　little　in　the　shadow　of　the　rock。　　〃Oh！　　If　you



could　only　understand　the　truth　that　is　in　me！〃　he　added。







She　waited；　as　if　too　astounded　to　speak；　till　he　looked　up　again；



and　then　with　unnatural　force　as　if　defending　herself　from　some



unspoken　aspersion；　〃It's　I　who　stand　for　truth　here！　　Believe　in



you！　　In　you；　who　by　a　heartless　falsehood　…　and　nothing　else；



nothing　else；　do　you　hear？　…　have　brought　me　here；　deceived；



cheated；　as　in　some　abominable　farce！〃　　She　sat　down　on　a　boulder；



rested　her　chin　in　her　hands；　in　the　pose　of　simple　grief　…



mourning　for　herself。







〃It　only　wanted　this。　　Why！　　Oh！　　Why　is　it　that　ugliness；



ridicule；　and　baseness　must　fall　across　my　path。〃







On　that　height；　alone　with　the　sky；　they　spoke　to　each　other　as　if



the　earth　had　fallen　away　from　under　their　feet。







〃Are　you　grieving　for　your　dignity？　　He　was　a　mediocre　soul　and



could　have　given　you　but　an　unworthy　existence。〃







She　did　not　even　smile　at　those　words；　but；　superb；　as　if　lifting　a



corner　of　the　veil；　she　turned　on　him　slowly。







〃And　do　you　imagine　I　would　have　devoted　myself　to　him　for　such　a



purpose！　　Don't　you　know　that　reparation　was　due　to　him　from　me？　　A



sacred　debt　…　a　fine　duty。　　To　redeem　him　would　not　have　been　in　my



power　…　I　know　it。　　But　he　was　blameless；　and　it　was　for　me　to　come



forward。　　Don't　you　see　that　in　the　eyes　of　the　world　nothing　could



have　rehabilitated　him　so　completely　as　his　marriage　with　me？　　No



word　of　evil　could　be　whispered　of　him　after　I　had　given　him　my



hand。　　As　to　giving　myself　up　to　anything　less　than　the　shaping　of



a　man's　destiny　…　if　I　thought　I　could　do　it　I　would　abhor　myself。



。　。　。〃　　She　spoke　with　authority　in　her　deep　fascinating；



unemotional　voice。　　Renouard　meditated；　gloomy；　as　if　over　some



sinister　riddle　of　a　beautiful　sphinx　met　on　the　wild　road　of　his



life。







〃Yes。　　Your　father　was　right。　　You　are　one　of　these　aristocrats　。　。



。〃







She　drew　herself　up　haughtily。







〃What　do　you　say？　　My　father！　。　。　。　I　an　aristocrat。〃







〃Oh！　　I　don't　mean　that　you　are　like　the　men　and　women　of　the　time



of　armours；　castles；　and　great　deeds。　　Oh；　no！　　They　stood　on　the



naked　soil；　had　traditions　to　be　faithful　to；　had　their　feet　on



this　earth　of　passions　and　death　which　is　not　a　hothouse。　　They



would　have　been　too　plebeian　for　you　since　they　had　to　lead；　to



suffer　with；　to　understand　the　commonest　humanity。　　No；　you　are



merely　of　the　topmost　layer；　disdainful　and　superior；　the　mere　pure



froth　and　bubble　on　the　inscrutable　depths　which　some　day　will　toss



you　out　of　existence。　　But　you　are　you！　　You　are　you！　　You　are　the



eternal　love　itself　…　only；　O　Divinity；　it　isn't　your　body；　it　is



your　soul　that　is　made　of　foam。〃







She　listened　as　if　in　a　dream。　　He　had　succeeded　so　well　in　his



effort　to　drive　back　the　flood　of　his　passion　that　his　life　itself



seemed　to　run　with　it　out　of　his　body。　　At　that　moment　he　felt　as



one　dead　speaking。　　But　the　headlong　wave　returning　with　tenfold



force　flung　him　on　her　suddenly；　with　open　arms　and　blazing　eyes。



She　found　herself　like　a　feather　in　his　grasp；　helpless；　unable　to



struggle；　with　her　feet　off　the　ground。　　But　this　contact　with　her；



maddening　like　too　much　felicity；　destroyed　its　own　end。　　Fire　ran



through　his　veins；　turned　his　passion　to　ashes；　burnt　him　out　and



left　him　empty；　without　force　…　almost　without　desire。　　He　let　her



go　before　she　could　cry　out。　　And　she　was　so　used　to　the　forms　of



repression　enveloping；　softening　the　crude　impulses　of　old　humanity



that　she　no　longer　believed　in　their　existence　as　if　it　were　an



exploded　legend。　　She　did　not　recognise　what　had　happened　to　her。



She　came　safe　out　of　his　arms；　without　a　struggle；　not　even　having



felt　afraid。







〃What's　the　meaning　of　this？〃　she　said；　outraged　but　calm　in　a



scornful　way。







He　got　down　on　his　knees　in　silence；　bent　low　to　her　very　feet；



while　she　looked　down　at　him；　a　little　surprised；　without



animosity；　as　if　merely　curious　to　see　what　he　would　do。　　Then；



while　he　remained　bowed　to　the　ground　pressing　the　hem　of　her　skirt



to　his　lips；　she　made　a　slight　movement。　　He　got　up。







〃No；〃　he　said。　　〃Were　you　ever　so　much　mine　what　could　I　do　with



you　without　your　consent？　　No。　　You　don't　conquer　a　wraith；　cold



mist；　stuff　of　dreams；　illusion。　　It　must　come　to　you　and　cling　to



your　breast。　　And　then！　　Oh！　　And　then！〃







All　ecstasy；　all　expression　went　out　of　his　face。







〃Mr。　Renouard；〃　she　said；　〃though　you　can　have　no　claim　on　my



consideration　after　having　decoyed　me　here　for　the　vile　purpose；



apparently；　of　gloating　over　me　as　your　possible　prey；　I　will　tell



you　that　I　am　not　perhaps　the　extraordinary　being　you　think　I　am。



You　may　believe　me。　　Here　I　stand　for　truth　itself。〃







〃What's　that　to　me　what　you　are？〃　he　answered。　　〃At　a　sign　from　you



I　would　climb　up　to　the　seventh　heaven　to　bring　you　down　to　earth



for　my　own　…　and　if　I　saw　you　steeped　to　the　lips　in　vice；　in



crime；　in　mud；　I　would　go　after　you；　take　you　to　my　arms　…　wear　you



for　an　incomparable　jewel　on　my　breast。　　And　that's　love　…　true



love　…　the　gift　and　the　curse　of　the　gods。　　There　is　no　other。〃







The　truth　vibrating　in　his　voice　made　her　recoil　slightly；　for　she



was　not　fit　to　hear　it　…　not　even　a　little　…　not　even　one　single



time　in　her　life。　　It　was　revolting　to　her；　and　in　her　trouble；



perhaps　prompted　by　the　suggestion　of　his　name　or　to　soften　the



harshness　of　expression；　for　she　was　obscurely　moved；　she　spoke　to



him　in　French。







〃ASSEZ！　　J'AI　HORREUR　DE　TOUT　CELA；〃　she　said。







He　was　white　to　his　very　lips；　but　he　was　trembling　no　more。　　The



dice　had　been　cast；　and　not　even　violence　could　alter　the　throw。



She　passed　by　him　unbendingly；　and　he　followed　her　down　the　path。



After　a　time　she　heard　him　saying：







〃And　your　dream　is　to　influence　a　human　destiny？〃







〃Yes！〃　she　answered　curtly；　unabashed；　with　a　woman's　complete



assurance。







〃Then　you　may　rest　content。　　You　have　done　it。〃







She　shrugged　her　shoulders　slightly。　　But　just　before　reaching　the



end　of　the　path　she　relented；　stopped；　and　went　back　to　him。







〃I　don't　suppose　you　are　very　anxious　for　people　to　know　how　near



you　came　to　absolute　turpitude。　　You　may　rest　easy　on　that　point。



I　shall　speak　to　my　father；　of　course；　and　we　will　agree　to　say



that　he　has　died　…　nothing　more。〃







〃Yes；〃　said　Renouard　in　a　lifeless　voice。　　〃He　is　dead。　　His　very



ghost　shall　be　done　with　presently。〃







She　went　on；　but　he　remained　standing　stock　still　in　the　dusk。　　She



had　already　reached　the　three　palms　when　she　heard　behind　her　a



loud　peal　of　laughter；　cynical　and　joyless；　such　as　is　heard　in



smoking…rooms　at　the　end　of　a　scandalous　story。　　It　made　her　feel



positively　faint　for　a　moment。















CHAPTER　XI















Slowly　a　complete　darkness　enveloped　Geoffrey　Renouard。　　His



resolution　had　failed　him。　　Instead　of　following　Felicia　into　the



house；　he　had　stopped　under　the　three　palms；　and　leaning　against　a



smooth　trunk　had　abandoned　himself　to　a　sense　of　an　immense



deception　and　the　feeling　of　extreme　fatigue。　　This　walk　up　the