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the grey room(灰房间)-第6部分
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discussion。 The argument began to grow strenuous; for each proved
determined; and who owned the stronger will seemed a doubtful question。
For a time; since no conclusion could satisfy both; they abandoned the
centre of contention and debated; as their elders had done; on the general
question。 Henry declared himself not wholly convinced。 He adopted an
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agnostic attitude; while Tom frankly disbelieved。 The one preserved an
open mind; the other scoffed at apparitions in general。
〃It's humbug to say sailors are superstitious now;〃 he asserted。 〃They
might have been; but my experience is that they are no more credulous
than other people in these days。 Anyway; I'm not。 Life is a matter of
chemistry。 There's no mumbo jumbo about it; in my opinion。 Chemical
analysis has reached down to hormones and enzymes and all manner of
subtle secretions discovered by this generation of inquirers; but it's all
organic。 Nobody has ever found anything that isn't。 Existence depends
on matter; and when the chemical process breaks down; the organism
perishes and leaves nothing。 When a man can't go on breathing; he's
dead; and there's an end of him。〃
But Henry had read modern science also。
〃What about the vital spark; then? Biologists don't turn down the
theory of vitalism; do they?〃
〃Most of them do; who count; my dear chap。 The presence of a vital
spark…a spark that cannot be put out … is merely a theory with nothing to
prove it。 When he dies; the animating principle doesn't leave a man; and
go off on its own。 It dies too。 It was part of the man…as much as his
heart or brain。〃
〃That's only an opinion。 Nobody can be positive。 We don't know
anything about what life really means; and we haven't got the machinery
to find out。〃
〃By analogy we can;〃 argued Tom。 〃Where are you going to draw
the line? Life is life; and a sponge is just as much alive as a herring; a
nettle is just as much alive as an oak…tree; and an oak…tree is just as much
alive as you are。 What becomes of its vital spark when you eat an
oyster?〃
〃You wouldn't believe in a life after death at all; then?〃
〃It's a pure assumption; Henry。 I'd like to believe in it … who wouldn't?
Because; if you honestly did; it would transform this life into something
infinitely different from what it is。〃
〃It ought to…yet it doesn't seem to。〃
〃It ought to; certainly。 If you believe this life is only the portal to
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another of much greater importance; then…well; there you are。 Nothing
matters but trying to make everybody else believe t; too。 But as a matter
of fact; the people who do believe it; or think they do; seem to me just as
concentrated on this life and just as much out to get the very best they can
from it; and wring it dry; as I am; who reckon it's all。〃
〃They believe as a matter of course; and don't seem to realize how
much their belief ought to imply;〃 confessed Henry。
〃Why do they believe? Because most of them haven't really thought
about it more than a turnip thinks。 They dwell in a foggy sort of way on
the future life when they go to church on Sundays; then they return home
and forget all about it till next Sunday。〃
Lennox brought him back to the present difference。
〃Well; seeing you laugh at ghosts; and I remain doubtful; it's only fair
that I sleep in the Grey Room。 You must see that。 Ghosts hate people
who don't believe in them。 They'd cold shoulder you; but in my case
they might feel I was good material; worth convincing。 They might show
up for me in a friendly spirit。 If they show for you; it will probably be to
bully you。〃
Tom laughed。
〃That's what I want。 I'd like to have it out and talk sense to a spook;
and show him what an ass he's making of himself。 The governor was
right about that。 When Fayre…Michell asked if he believed in them
loafing about a place where they'd been murdered or otherwise maltreated;
he rejected the idea。〃
〃Yet a woman certainly died there; and without a shadow of reason。〃
〃She probably died for a very good reason; only we don't happen to
know it。〃
Henry tried a different argument。
〃You're married; and you matter; I'm not married; and don't matter to
anybody。〃
〃Humbug!〃
〃Mary wouldn't like it; anyway; you know that。〃
〃True…she'd hate it。 But she won't know anything about it till to…
morrow。 She always sleeps in her old nursery when she comes here; and
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I'm down the corridor at the far end。 She'd have a fit if she knew I'd
turned in next door to her and was snoozing in the Grey Room; but she
won't know till I tell her of my rash act to…morrow。 Don't think I'm a fool。
Nobody loves life better than I do; and nobody has better reason to。 But
I'm positive that this is all rank nonsense; and so are you really。 We
know there's nothing in the room with a shadow of supernatural danger
about it。 Besides; you wouldn't want to sleep there so badly if you believed
anything wicked was waiting for you。 You're tons cleverer than I am … so
you must agree about that。〃
Lennox was bound to confess that he entertained no personal fear。
They still argued; and the clock struck midnight。 Then the sailor made a
suggestion。
〃Since you're so infernally obstinate; I'll do this。 We'll toss up; and
the winner can have the fun。 That's fair to both。〃
The other agreed; he tossed a coin; and May called 〃tails;〃 and won。
He was jubilant; while Henry showed a measure of annoyance。 The
other consoled him。
〃It's better so; old man。 You're highly strung and nervy; and a poet
and all that sort of thing。 I'm no better than a prize ox; and don't know
what nerves mean。 I can sleep anywhere; anyhow。 If you can sleep in a
submarine; you bet you can in a nice; airy Elizabethan room; even if it is
haunted。 But it's not; that's the whole point。 There's not a haunted room
in the world。 Get me your service revolver; like a good chap。〃
Henry was silent; and Tom rose to make ready for his vigil。
〃I'm dog…tired; anyhow;〃 he said。 〃Nothing less than Queen Elizabeth
herself will keep me awake; if it does appear。〃
Then the other surprised him。
〃Don't think I want to go back on it。 You've won the right to make
the experiment … if we ignore Uncle Walter。 But…well; you'll laugh; yet;
on my honor; Tom; I've got a feeling I'd rather you didn't。 It isn't nerves。
I'm not nervy any more than you are。 I'm not suggesting that I go now; of
course。 But I do ask you to think better of it and chuck the thing。〃
〃Why?〃
〃Well; one can't help one's feelings。 I do feel a rum sort of conviction
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at the bottom of my mind that it's not good enough。 I can't explain; there
are no words for it that I know; but it's growing on me。 Intuition;
perhaps。〃
〃Intuition of what?〃
〃I can't tell you。 But I ask you not to go。〃
〃You were going if you'd won the toss?〃
〃I know。〃
〃Then your growing intuition is only because I won it。 Hanged if I
don't think you want to funk me; old man!〃
〃I couldn't do that。 But it's different me going and you going。 I've got
nothing to live for。 Don't think I'm maudlin; or any rot of that sort; but
you know all about the past。 I've never mentioned it to you; and; of
course; you haven't to me; and I never should have。 But I will now。 I
loved Mary with all my heart and soul; Tom。 She didn't know how much;
and probably I didn't either。 But that's done; and no man on earth rejoices
in her great happiness more than I do。 And no man on earth is going to
be a better or a truer friend to you and her than; please God; I shall be。
But that being so; can't you see the rest? My life ended in a way when
the dream of my life ended。 I attach no importance to living for itself;
and if anything final happened to me it wouldn't leave a blank anywhere。
You're different。 In sober honesty you oughtn't to run into any needless
danger … real or imaginary。 I'm thinking of Mary only when I say that …
not you。〃
〃But I deny the danger。〃
Yes; only you might listen。 So did I; but I eny it no longer。 The
case is altered when I tell you in all seriousness … when I take my oath if
you like … that I do believe now there is someth
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