sunshine sketches of a little town-第1部分

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Sunshine　Sketches　of　a　Little　Town

by　Leacock；　Stephen





　　　　　Preface

I　　　　The　Hostelry　of　Mr。　Smith
II　　　The　Speculations　of　Jefferson　Thorpe
III　　The　Marine　Excursion　of　the　Knights　of　Pythias
IV　　　The　Ministrations　of　the　Rev。　Mr。　Drone
V　　　　The　Whirlwind　Campaign　in　Mariposa
VI　　　The　Beacon　on　the　Hill
VII　　The　Extraordinary　Entanglement　of　Mr。　Pupkin
VIII　The　Fore…ordained　Attachment　of　Zena　Pepperleigh　and　Peter　Pupkin
IX　　　The　Mariposa　Bank　Mystery
X　　　　The　Great　Election　in　Missinaba　County
XI　　　The　Candidacy　of　Mr。　Smith
XII　　L'Envoi。　The　Train　to　Mariposa






Preface


I　know　no　way　in　which　a　writer　may　more　fittingly　introduce　his　work
to　the　public　than　by　giving　a　brief　account　of　who　and　what　he　is。
By　this　means　some　of　the　blame　for　what　he　has　done　is　very　properly
shifted　to　the　extenuating　circumstances　of　his　life。

I　was　born　at　Swanmoor；　Hants；　England；　on　December　30；　1869。　I　am
not　aware　that　there　was　any　particular　conjunction　of　the　planets　at
the　time；　but　should　think　it　extremely　likely。　My　parents　migrated
to　Canada　in　1876；　and　I　decided　to　go　with　them。　My　father　took　up　a
farm　near　Lake　Simcoe；　in　Ontario。　This　was　during　the　hard　times　of
Canadian　farming；　and　my　father　was　just　able　by　great　diligence　to
pay　the　hired　men　and；　in　years　of　plenty；　to　raise　enough　grain　to
have　seed　for　the　next　year's　crop　without　buying　any。　By　this
process　my　brothers　and　I　were　inevitably　driven　off　the　land；　and
have　become　professors；　business　men；　and　engineers；　instead　of　being
able　to　grow　up　as　farm　labourers。　Yet　I　saw　enough　of　farming　to
speak　exuberantly　in　political　addresses　of　the　joy　of　early　rising
and　the　deep　sleep；　both　of　body　and　intellect；　that　is　induced　by
honest　manual　toil。

I　was　educated　at　Upper　Canada　College；　Toronto；　of　which　I　was　head
boy　in　1887。　From　there　I　went　to　the　University　of　Toronto；　where　I
graduated　in　1891。　At　the　University　I　spent　my　entire　time　in　the
acquisition　of　languages；　living；　dead；　and　half…dead；　and　knew
nothing　of　the　outside　world。　In　this　diligent　pursuit　of　words　I
spent　about　sixteen　hours　of　each　day。　Very　soon　after　graduation　I
had　forgotten　the　languages；　and　found　myself　intellectually
bankrupt。　In　other　words　I　was　what　is　called　a　distinguished
graduate；　and；　as　such；　I　took　to　school　teaching　as　the　only　trade　I
could　find　that　need　neither　experience　nor　intellect。　I　spent　my
time　from　1891　to　1899　on　the　staff　of　Upper　Canada　College；　an
experience　which　has　left　me　with　a　profound　sympathy　for　the　many
gifted　and　brilliant　men　who　are　compelled　to　spend　their　lives　in
the　most　dreary；　the　most　thankless；　and　the　worst　paid　profession　in
the　world。　I　have　noted　that　of　my　pupils；　those　who　seemed　the
laziest　and　the　least　enamoured　of　books　are　now　rising　to　eminence
at　the　bar；　in　business；　and　in　public　life；　the　really　promising
boys　who　took　all　the　prizes　are　now　able　with　difficulty　to　earn　the
wages　of　a　clerk　in　a　summer　hotel　or　a　deck　hand　on　a　canal　boat。

In　1899　I　gave　up　school　teaching　in　disgust；　borrowing　enough　money
to　live　upon　for　a　few　months；　and　went　to　the　University　of　Chicago
to　study　economics　and　political　science。　I　was　soon　appointed　to　a
Fellowship　in　political　economy；　and　by　means　of　this　and　some
temporary　employment　by　McGill　University；　I　survived　until　I　took
the　degree　of　Doctor　of　Philosophy　in　1903。　The　meaning　of　this
degree　is　that　the　recipient　of　instruction　is　examined　for　the　last
time　in　his　life；　and　is　pronounced　completely　full。　After　this；　no
new　ideas　can　be　imparted　to　him。

From　this　time；　and　since　my　marriage；　which　had　occurred　at　this
period；　I　have　belonged　to　the　staff　of　McGill　University；　first　as
lecturer　in　Political　Science；　and　later　as　head　of　the　department　of
Economics　and　Political　Science。　As　this　position　is　one　of　the
prizes　of　my　profession；　I　am　able　to　regard　myself　as　singularly
fortunate。　The　emolument　is　so　high　as　to　place　me　distinctly　above
the　policemen；　postmen；　street…car　conductors；　and　other　salaried
officials　of　the　neighbourhood；　while　I　am　able　to　mix　with　the
poorer　of　the　business　men　of　the　city　on　terms　of　something　like
equality。　In　point　of　leisure；　I　enjoy　more　in　the　four　corners　of　a
single　year　than　a　business　man　knows　in　his　whole　life。　I　thus　have
what　the　business　man　can　never　enjoy；　an　ability　to　think；　and；　what
is　still　better；　to　stop　thinking　altogether　for　months　at　a　time。

I　have　written　a　number　of　things　in　connection　with　my　college
lifea　book　on　Political　Science；　and　many　essays；　magazine
articles；　and　so　on。　I　belong　to　the　Political　Science　Association　of
America；　to　the　Royal　Colonial　Institute；　and　to　the　Church　of
England。　These　things；　surely；　are　a　proof　of　respectability。　I　have
had　some　small　connection　with　politics　and　public　life。　A　few　years
ago　I　went　all　round　the　British　Empire　delivering　addresses　on
Imperial　organization。　When　I　state　that　these　lectures　were　followed
almost　immediately　by　the　Union　of　South　Africa；　the　Banana　Riots　in
Trinidad；　and　the　Turco…Italian　war；　I　think　the　reader　can　form　some
idea　of　their　importance。　In　Canada　I　belong　to　the　Conservative
party；　but　as　yet　I　have　failed　entirely　in　Canadian　politics；　never
having　received　a　contract　to　build　a　bridge；　or　make　a　wharf；　nor　to
construct　even　the　smallest　section　of　the　Transcontinental　Railway。
This；　however；　is　a　form　of　national　ingratitude　to　which　one　becomes
accustomed　in　this　Dominion。

Apart　from　my　college　work；　I　have　written　two　books；　one　called
〃Literary　Lapses〃　and　the　other　〃Nonsense　Novels。〃　Each　of　these　is
published　by　John　Lane　（London　and　New　York）；　and　either　of　them　can
be　obtained；　absurd　though　it　sounds；　for　the　mere　sum　of　three
shillings　and　sixpence。　Any　reader　of　this　preface；　for　example；
ridiculous　though　it　appears；　could　walk　into　a　bookstore　and　buy
both　of　these　books　for　seven　shillings。　Yet　these　works　are　of　so
humorous　a　character　that　for　many　years　it　was　found　impossible　to
print　them。　The　compositors　fell　back　from　their　task　suffocated　with
laughter　and　gasping　for　air。　Nothing　but　the　intervention　of　the
linotype　machineor　rather；　of　the　kind　of　men　who　operate　itmade
it　possible　to　print　these　books。　Even　now　people　have　to　be　very
careful　in　circulating　them；　and　the　books　should　never　be　put　into
the　hands　of　persons　not　in　robust　health。

Many　of　my　friends　are　under　the　impression　that　I　write　these
humorous　nothings　in　idle　moments　when　the　wearied　brain　is　unable　to
perform　the　serious　labours　of　the　economist。　My　own　experience　is
exactly　the　other　way。　The　writing　of　solid；　instructive　stuff
fortified　by　facts　and　figures　is　easy　enough。　There　is　no　trouble　in
writing　a　scientific　treatise　on　the　folk…lore　of　Central　China；　or　a
statistical　enquiry　into　the　declining　population　of　Prince　Edward
Island。　But　to　write　something　out　of　one's　own　mind；　worth　reading
for　its　own　sake；　is　an　arduous　contrivance　only　to　be　achieved　in
fortunate　moments；　few　and　far　between。　Personally；　I　would　sooner
have　written　〃Alice　in　Wonderland〃　than　the　whole　Encyclopaedia
Britannica。

In　regard　to　the　present　work　I　must　disclaim　at　once　all　intentions
of　trying　to　do　anything　so　ridiculously　easy　as　writing　about　a　real
place　and　real　people。　Mariposa　is　not　a　real　town。　On　the　contrary；
it　is　about　seventy　or　eighty　of　them。　You　may　find　them　all　the　way
from　Lake　Superior　to　the　sea；　with　the　same　square　streets　and　the
same　maple　trees　and　the　same　churches　and　hotels；　and　everywhere　the
sunshine　of　the　land　of　hope。

Similarly；　the　Reverend　Mr。　Drone　is　not　one　person　but　about　eight
or　ten。　To　make　him　I　clapped　the　gaiters　of　one　ecclesiastic　round
the　legs　of　another；　added　the　sermons　of　a　third　and　the　character
of　a　fourth；　and　so　let　him　start　on　his　way　in　the　book　to　pick　up
such　individual　attributes　as　he　might　find　for　himself。　Mullins　and
Bagshaw　and　Judge　Pepperleigh　and　the　rest　are；　it　is　true；　personal
friends　of　mine。　But　I　have　known　them　in　such　a　variety　of　forms；
with　such　alternations　of　tall　and　short；　dark　and　fair；　that；
individually；　I　should　have　much　ado　to　know　them。　Mr。　Pupkin　is
found　whenever　a　Canadian　bank　opens　a　branch　in　a　county　town　and
needs　a　teller。　As　for　Mr。　Smith；　with　his　two　hundred　and　eighty
pounds；　his　hoarse　voice；　his　loud　check　suit；　his　diamonds；　the
roughness　of　his　address　and　the　goodness　of　his　heart；all　of　this
is　known　by　everybody　to　be　a　necessary　and　universal　adjunct　of　the
hotel　business。

The　inspiration　of　the　book；a　land　of　hope　and　sunshine　where
little　towns　spread　their　square　streets　and　their　trim　maple　trees
beside　placid　lakes　almost　within　echo　of　the　primeval　forest；is
large　enough。　If　it　fails　in　its　portrayal　of　the　scenes　and　the
country　that　it　depicts　the　fault　lies　rather　with　an　art　that　is
deficient　than　in　an　affection　that　is　wanting。

Stephen　Leacock。　　McGill　University；　June；　1912。





ONE

The　Hostelry　of　Mr。　Smith

I　don't　know　whether　you　know　Mariposa。　If　not；　it　is　of　no
consequence；　for　if　you　know　Canada　at　all；　you　are　probably　well
acquainted　with　a　dozen　towns　just　like　it。

There　it　lies　in　the　sunlight；　sloping　up　from　the　little　lake　that
spreads　out　at　the　foot　of　the　hillside　on　which　the　town　is　built。
There　is　a　wharf　beside　the　lake；　and　lying　alongside　of　it　a　steamer
that　is　tied　to　the　wharf　with　two　ropes　of　about　the　same　size　as
they　use　on　the　Lusitania。　The　steamer　goes　nowhere　in　particular；
for　the　lake　is　landlocked　and　there　is　no　navigation　for　the
Mariposa　Belle　except　to　〃run　trips〃　on　the　first　of　July　and　the
Queen's　Birthday；　and　to　take　excursions　of　the　Knights　of　Pythias
and　the　Sons　of　Temperance　to　and　from　the　Local　Option　Townships。

In　point　of　geography　the　lake　is　called　Lake　Wissanotti　and　the
river　running　out　of　it　the　Ossawippi；　just　as　the　main　street　of
Mariposa　is　called　Missinaba　Street　and　the　county　Missinaba　County。
But　these　names　do　not　really　matter。　Nobody　uses　them。　People　simply
speak　of　the　〃lake〃　and　the　〃river〃　and　the　〃main　street；〃