热爱生命-love of life(英文版)-第3部分

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u　to　be　afraid；　very　much；　of　anything。〃〃And　I'm　not　afraid　of　confession；　either；〃　she　said；　with　softening　face　and　voice。〃In　your　case；　I　fear；　confession　is　exploitation　by　indirection；　profit…making　by　ruse；　self…aggrandizement　at　the　expense　of　God。〃〃Don't　be　literary；〃　she　pouted；　with　growing　tenderness。　　〃I　never　did　like　epigrammatic　discussion。　　Besides；　I'm　not　afraid　to　ask　you　to　forgive　me。〃〃There　is　nothing　to　forgive；　Theresa。　　I　really　should　thank　you。　　True；　at　first　I　suffered；　and　then；　with　all　the　graciousness　of　spring；　it　dawned　upon　me　that　I　was　happy；　very　happy。　　It　was　a　most　amazing　discovery。〃〃But　what　if　I　should　return　to　you？〃　she　asked。〃I　should〃　（he　looked　at　her　whimsically）；　〃be　greatly　perturbed。〃〃I　am　your　wife。　　You　know　you　have　never　got　a　divorce。〃〃I　see；〃　he　meditated。　　〃I　have　been　careless。　　It　will　be　one　of　the　first　things　I　attend　to。〃She　came　over　to　his　side；　resting　her　hand　on　his　arm。　　〃You　don't　want　me；　John？〃　　Her　voice　was　soft　and　caressing；　her　hand　rested　like　a　lure。　　〃If　I　told　you　I　had　made　a　mistake？　　If　I　told　you　that　I　was　very　unhappy？　…　and　I　am。　　And　I　did　make　a　mistake。〃Fear　began　to　grow　on　Messner。　　He　felt　himself　wilting　under　the　lightly　laid　hand。　　The　situation　was　slipping　away　from　him；　all　his　beautiful　calmness　was　going。　　She　looked　at　him　with　melting　eyes；　and　he；　too；　seemed　all　dew　and　melting。　　He　felt　himself　on　the　edge　of　an　abyss；　powerless　to　withstand　the　force　that　was　drawing　him　over。〃I　am　ing　back　to　you；　John。　　I　am　ing　back　to…day　。　。　。　now。〃As　in　a　nightmare；　he　strove　under　the　hand。　　While　she　talked；　he　seemed　to　hear；　rippling　softly；　the　song　of　the　Lorelei。　　It　was　as　though；　somewhere；　a　piano　were　playing　and　the　actual　notes　were　impinging　on　his　ear…drums。Suddenly　he　sprang　to　his　feet；　thrust　her　from　him　as　her　arms　attempted　to　clasp　him；　and　retreated　backward　to　the　door。　　He　was　in　a　panic。〃I'll　do　something　desperate！〃　he　cried。〃I　warned　you　not　to　get　excited。〃　　She　laughed　mockingly；　and　went　about　washing　the　dishes。　　〃Nobody　wants　you。　　I　was　just　playing　with　you。　　I　am　happier　where　I　am。〃But　Messner　did　not　believe。　　He　remembered　her　facility　in　changing　front。　　She　had　changed　front　now。　　It　was　exploitation　by　indirection。　　She　was　not　happy　with　the　other　man。　　She　had　discovered　her　mistake。　　The　flame　of　his　ego　flared　up　at　the　thought。　　She　wanted　to　e　back　to　him；　which　was　the　one　thing　he　did　not　want。　　Unwittingly；　his　hand　rattled　the　door…latch。〃Don't　run　away；〃　she　laughed。　　〃I　won't　bite　you。〃〃I　am　not　running　away；〃　he　replied　with　child…like　defiance；　at　the　same　time　pulling　on　his　mittens。　　〃I'm　only　going　to　get　some　water。〃He　gathered　the　empty　pails　and　cooking　pots　together　and　opened　the　door。　　He　looked　back　at　her。〃Don't　forget　you're　to　tell　Mr。　…　er　…　Haythorne　who　I　am。〃Messner　broke　the　skin　that　had　formed　on　the　water…hole　within　the　hour；　and　filled　his　pails。　　But　he　did　not　return　immediately　to　the　cabin。　　Leaving　the　pails　standing　in　the　trail；　he　walked　up　and　down；　rapidly；　to　keep　from　freezing；　for　the　frost　bit　into　the　flesh　like　fire。　　His　beard　was　white　with　his　frozen　breath　when　the　perplexed　and　frowning　brows　relaxed　and　decision　came　into　his　face。　　He　had　made　up　his　mind　to　his　course　of　action；　and　his　frigid　lips　and　cheeks　crackled　into　a　chuckle　over　it。　　The　pails　were　already　skinned　over　with　young　ice　when　he　picked　them　up　and　made　for　the　cabin。When　he　entered　he　found　the　other　man　waiting；　standing　near　the　stove；　a　certain　stiff　awkwardness　and　indecision　in　his　manner。　　Messner　set　down　his　water…pails。〃Glad　to　meet　you；　Graham　Womble；〃　he　said　in　conventional　tones；　as　though　acknowledging　an　introduction。Messner　did　not　offer　his　hand。　　Womble　stirred　uneasily；　feeling　for　the　other　the　hatred　one　is　prone　to　feel　for　one　he　has　wronged。〃And　so　you're　the　chap；〃　Messner　said　in　marvelling　accents。　　〃Well；　well。　　You　see；　I　really　am　glad　to　meet　you。　　I　have　been　…　er　…　curious　to　know　what　Theresa　found　in　you　…　where；　I　may　say；　the　attraction　lay。　　Well；　well。〃And　he　looked　the　other　up　and　down　as　a　man　would　look　a　horse　up　and　down。〃I　know　how　you　must　feel　about　me；〃　Womble　began。〃Don't　mention　it；〃　Messner　broke　in　with　exaggerated　cordiality　of　voice　and　manner。　　〃Never　mind　that。　　What　I　want　to　know　is　how　do　you　find　her？　　Up　to　expectations？　　Has　she　worn　well？　　Life　been　all　a　happy　dream　ever　since？〃〃Don't　be　silly；〃　Theresa　interjected。〃I　can't　help　being　natural；〃　Messner　plained。〃You　can　be　expedient　at　the　same　time；　and　practical；〃　Womble　said　sharply。　　〃What　we　want　to　know　is　what　are　you　going　to　do？〃Messner　made　a　well…feigned　gesture　of　helplessness。　　〃I　really　don't　know。　　It　is　one　of　those　impossible　situations　against　which　there　can　be　no　provision。〃〃All　three　of　us　cannot　remain　the　night　in　this　cabin。〃Messner　nodded　affirmation。〃Then　somebody　must　get　out。〃〃That　also　is　incontrovertible；〃　Messner　agreed。　　〃When　three　bodies　cannot　occupy　the　same　space　at　the　same　time；　one　must　get　out。〃〃And　you're　that　one；〃　Womble　announced　grimly。　　〃It's　a　ten…mile　pull　to　the　next　camp；　but　you　can　make　it　all　right。〃〃And　that's　the　first　flaw　in　your　reasoning；〃　the　other　objected。　　〃Why；　necessarily；　should　I　be　the　one　to　get　out？　　I　found　this　cabin　first。〃〃But　Tess　can't　get　out；〃　Womble　explained。　　〃Her　lungs　are　already　slightly　chilled。〃〃I　agree　with　you。　　She　can't　venture　ten　miles　of　frost。　　By　all　means　she　must　remain。〃〃Then　it　is　as　I　said；〃　Womble　announced　with　finality。Messner　cleared　his　throat。　　〃Your　lungs　are　all　right；　aren't　they？〃〃Yes；　but　what　of　it？〃Again　the　other　cleared　his　throat　and　spoke　with　painstaking　and　judicial　slowness。　　〃Why；　I　may　say；　nothing　of　it；　except；　ah；　according　to　your　own　reasoning；　there　is　nothing　to　prevent　your　getting　out；　hitting　the　frost；　so　to　speak；　for　a　matter　of　ten　miles。　　You　can　make　it　all　right。〃Womble　looked　with　quick　suspicion　at　Theresa　and　caught　in　her　eyes　a　glint　of　pleased　surprise。〃Well？〃　he　demanded　of　her。She　hesitated；　and　a　surge　of　anger　darkened　his　face。　　He　turned　upon　Messner。〃Enough　of　this。　　You　can't　stop　here。〃〃Yes；　I　can。〃〃I　won't　let　you。〃　Womble　squared　his　shoulders。　　〃I'm　running　things。〃〃I'll　stay　anyway；〃　the　other　persisted。〃I'll　put　you　out。〃〃I'll　e　back。〃Womble　stopped　a　moment　to　steady　his　voice　and　control　himself。　　Then　he　spoke　slowly；　in　a　low；　tense　voice。〃Look　here；　Messner；　if　you　refuse　to　get　out；　I'll　thrash　you。　　This　isn't　California。　　I'll　beat　you　to　a　jelly　with　my　two　fists。〃Messner　shrugged　his　shoulders。　　〃If　you　do；　I'll　call　a　miners'　meeting　and　see　you　strung　up　to　the　nearest　tree。　　As　you　said；　this　is　not　California。　　They're　a　simple　folk；　these　miners；　and　all　I'll　have　to　do　will　be　to　show　them　the　marks　of　the　beating；　tell　them　the　truth　about　you；　and　present　my　claim　for　my　wife。〃The　woman　attempted　to　speak；　but　Womble　turned　upon　her　fiercely。〃You　keep　out　of　this；〃　he　cried。In　marked　contrast　was　Messner's　〃Please　don't　intrude；　Theresa。〃What　of　her　anger　and　pent　feelings；　her　lungs　were　irritated　into　the　dry；　hacking　cough；　and　with　blood…suffused　face　and　one　hand　clenched　against　her　chest；　she　waited　for　the　paroxysm　to　pass。Womble　looked　gloomily　at　her；　noting　her　cough。〃Something　must　be　done；〃　he　said。　　〃Yet　her　lungs　can't　stand　the　exposure。　　She　can't　travel　till　the　temperature　rises。　　And　I'm　not　going　to　give　her　up。〃Messner　hemmed；　cleared　his　throat；　and　hemmed　again；　semi…apologetically；　and　said；　〃I　need　some　money。〃Contempt　showed　instantly　in　Womble's　face。　　At　last；　beneath　him　in　vileness；　had　the　other　sunk　himself。〃You've　got　a　fat　sack　of　dust；〃　Messner　went　on。　　〃I　saw　you　unload　it　from　the　sled。〃〃How　much　do　you　want？〃　Womble　demanded；　with　a　contempt　in　his　voice　equal　to　that　in　his　face。〃I　made　an　estimate　of　the　sack；　and　I　…　ah　…　should　say　it　weighed　about　twenty　pounds。　　What　do　you　say　we　call　it　four　thousand？〃〃But　it's　all　I've　got；　man！〃　Womble　cried　out。〃You've　got　her；〃　the　other　said　soothingly。　　〃She　must　be　worth　it。　　Think　what　I'm　giving　up。　　Surely　it　is　a　reasonable　price。〃〃All　right。〃　　Womble　rushed　across　the　floor　to　the　gold…sack。　　〃Can't　put　this　deal　through　too　quick　for　me；　you　…　you　little　worm！〃〃Now；　there　you　err；〃　was　the　smiling　rejoinder。　　〃As　a　matter　of　ethics　isn't　the　man　who　gives　a　bribe　as　bad　as　the　man　who　takes　a　bribe？　　The　receiver　is　as　bad　as　the　thief；　you　know；　and　you　needn't　console　yourself　with　any　fictitious　moral　superiority　concerning　this　little　deal。〃〃To　hell　with　your　ethics！〃　the　other　burst　out。　　〃e　here　and　watch　the　weighing　of　this　dust。　　I　might　cheat　you。〃And　the　woman；　leaning　against　the　bunk；　raging　and　impotent；　watched　herself　weighed　out　in　yellow　dust　and　nuggets　in　the　scales　erected　on　the　grub…box。　　The　scales　were　small；　making　necessary　many　weighings；　and　Messner　with　precise　care　verified　each　weighing。〃There's　too　much　silver　in　it；〃　he　remarked　as　he　tied　up　the　gold…sack。　　〃I　don't　think　it　will　run　quite　sixteen　to　the　ounce。　　You　got　a　trifle　the　better　of　me；　Womble。〃He　handled　the　sack　lovingly；　and　with　due　appreciation　of　its　preciousness　carried　it　out　to　his　sled。Returning；　he　gathered　his　pots　and　pans　together；　packed　his　grub…box；　and　rolled　up　his　bed。　　When　the　sled　was　lashed　and　the　plaining　dogs　harnessed；　he　returned　into　the　cabin　for　his　mittens。〃Good…by；　Tess；〃　he　said；　standing　at　the　open　door。She　turned　on　him；　struggling　for　speech　but　too　frantic　to　word　the　passion　that　burned　in　her。〃Good…by；　Tess；〃　he　repeated　gently。〃Beast！〃　she　managed　to　articulate。She　turned　and　tottered　to　the　bunk；　flinging　herself　face　down　upon　it；　sobbing：　　〃You　beasts！　　You　beasts！〃John　Messner　closed　the　door　softly　behind　him；　and；　as　he　started　the　dogs；　looked　back　at　the　cabin　with　a　great　relief　in　his　face。　　At　the　bottom　of　the　bank；　beside　the　water…hole；　he　halted　the　sled。　　He　worked　the　sack　of　gold　out　between　the　lashings　and　carried　it　to　the　water…hole。　　Already　a　new　skin　of　ice　had　formed。　　This　he　broke　with　his　fist。　　Untying　the　knotted　mouth　with　his　teeth；　he　emptied　the　contents　of　the　sack　into　the　water。　　The　river　was　shallow　at　that　point；